Must: Be a dog lover. Vegetarian. Not high maintenance with food. Catholic. Fit. Not a gym rat. Has no kids. Wants kids later. Travels. No religion. Not atheist though. Educated. Car. Nice car. 6’2” or above. Exotic looking. Same favorite pizza as me. Hates country music. Republican. Obsessed with country music. Cats or bust.
Ah, the checklist. Classic. What we think defines our perfect soul mate. The attributes we demand exist in someone for us to even consider them as a potential mate.
Bull honky. Abandon the list. Abandon the list and abandon the idea that you just need to find someone that meets A, B and C and then you two will find eternal happiness because your open to love.
We’ve been doing things backwards.
- The first step: Live your life. Fill yourself up. Love your life. Love yourself.
- The second step: Let someone fall into that life of yours that you already love. Fall into theirs.
- The third step: Write your checklist. (WARNING: it will look very different than the one you’ve been carrying around in your head or pocket or online dating profile)
Step 1 and 2 happened for me and in turn made my step 3 go a little like this:
1. Must make me laugh – whether I’m upset and determined to never smile again, or we’re in the middle of passionate sex, or I’m staring out the car window in the middle of a daydream. Catch me off guard with the way you make me laugh – always.
2. Must be genuine – in a way that I have never witnessed before. To the extent that there is such a pureness to what you are saying that I never second guess how much you mean it.
3. Must make me feel safe – without overbearing possessiveness that is more about insecurity than my safety. Make me feel safe in a way that I know my well-being and happiness and health is your priority.
4. Must be patient – patient enough for the both of us because we know I am not. Your calm keeps me calm.
5. Must get me – from my School of Rock references to Kristin Wiig impressions, you get me. You get it.
6. Must be honest – tell me if I’m doing something/did something that bothers you. Tell me your concerns.
7. But…Must pick your battles – and I’ll do the same. We must focus on what truly matters and realize that fighting with each other is not what we want to be doing when we could spend that time loving each other.
8. Must snort when you laugh – because nothing is better than laughing and making you laugh and then hearing a snort that is so ridiculous and hilarious that the laughs don’t stop.
9. Must love me for me – for who I am. Love my intelligence, my humor, my soul first. Love my face and body second. Love me in a way that I know this is the way you love me.
10. Must not give up on me – you haven’t yet. I do not believe perfection is possible in relationships. But I believe in you. And I believe in us.
This is the checklist of what you are to me, what you give to me every day.
This is the checklist that I didn’t even know I needed. These are the reasons I love you and I’m so glad I found you.