I got engaged at 19. We were (and still are) very young. We are very in love, and we support each other.
1. Your way too young for this.
According the United States government, I am not. I am sorry if the socially acceptable age for marriage is 26-30, but I’m ready for this now. I don’t think I am too young, I am young. We are getting a chance to grow together, and to love unconditionally now. We will have someone’s support through the rest of college, grad school, our first jobs, and have been there to see what it was like for each other. The most stressful times in our lives will have been spent together, and we will be able to work through anything by the time the “appropriate age” rolls around.
2. This isn’t going to be like playing house, this is real.
Really? I thought this was going to be a walk in the park. I thought we would just have a lot of money, and food, and nice things at our disposal as soon as we moved into our free house with a white picket fence and a two car garage. We are totally aware of reality. Just because we are in our early twenty’s doesn’t mean we aren’t completely aware of what bills are and how much living on our own costs. We have lived together in a one bedroom apartment for 2 years already, and now that we are getting married everyone keeps telling us how much different married life is going to be, and how we aren’t just playing house. We know. We acknowledge the new responsibilities we will have now that we are committed to each other in a marriage, but at this point we already are committed to each other. We pay bills together, we take out loans, and we have a join bank account and a credit card together. We know what is going on.
3. Having a family is a lot of work, shouldn’t you two wait a few years?
Please take a step back. Who in the hell mention kids? Marriage doesn’t mean popping out a baby 9 months after I do. We both have to graduate, and go to grad school, and get real jobs, start a savings, buy a house, but nicer cars, and LIVE. We have a lot to do before we even think about bring a child into this world. I promise you don’t have to get married and have a child right away. I don’t have a time limit, if we wait, then we wait, but nobody has any reason to make any assumptions about having us having kids right away.
4. Don’t stop your education just because you two get married.
For me getting married has done nothing but kick my education into over drive. I know what I am working towards now. I know that it isn’t just me I am going to be supporting, it’s us. He and I will both have jobs, and I want to contribute something other than the salary I make now working retail. I want to go to school because of him.
5. Marriage is a partnership, are you sure you’re ready for that?
Being young doesn’t make you that selfish. Like I said before we have joint bank accounts, and a credit card. We are partners. We have systems for cooking, and cleaning, and homework. When one of us is not feeling well the other picks up the slack without complaint or frustration. We are a team. We share responsibilities, and reward. We are equals in all aspects. That is what a true partnership is about.
6. Why now?
Well, what makes 5 years from now better? By the time we graduate, we will be moving out of the state to go onto grad school. I don’t want to have to plan a weeding that far away. We love each other now, we have all of our friends and family here now, why not now? Why should we wait for things to get more complicated? Wait for his best man to move to the other side of the country for his grad school, or wait and find out my maid of honor will be 8 months pregnant. Everyone else will be living their lives by the time it’s acceptable for us to get married. We want to live our lives now.
7. You haven’t been dating long enough, don’t you want to see what’s out there?
Nope, I’m good. I see what’s out there, it’s what my friends text me about. I don’t want any part of dating again. I don’t want awkwardness, dressing up all the time, worrying about what someone will think if you want to see this movie instead of that one, or if you will get judge for ordering a burger instead of the salad. Nope, I’m happy this way. I’m happy going home, taking off my makeup, throwing my hair up, and putting on sweatpants and one of his t shirts. I do that every day, and every day he still tells me I look cute, even though I know I look like a mess. He loves me for me, not because of the way I dress. Even though I’m not the prettiest all the time he still holds my hand on Friday nights, when we decide to be boring, and stay home to watch It’s always Sunny.
8. Are you sure?
I’m making this life changing legal commitment on a whim. YES IM SURE! For the love of god please stop asking me that. Please. I hate it, every time someone asks I get pissed. Yes, I am sure I want to marry him. Just stop asking. If I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t be doing this.
9. Divorce is very expensive.
Listen, your attempts to warn me about the sky rocketing divorce rates are heard. I understand everyone is getting divorced right now, but I’m not really putting that in my book of life plans. I plan on working through problems. I’m not going to throw in the towel very easily. I love him, and I know some people have very good reasons for divorce but neither of us would ever plan on getting one.
10. Are you sure you aren’t pregnant?
That was everyone’s favorite question when I first got engaged. No, the answer was, and still is no I am not pregnant. Why would we have a 2 year long engagement if I was? Don’t ever say that to a person who just got engaged. It will seriously put a huge damper on the whole engagement. I was asked that very often, and every time I heard it I thought people were treating my engagement like a huge mistake. To be honest that question can really hurt. Don’t assume it’s that right out of the gates because for me it really wasn’t. So stop asking people that.