10 Things Women Should Stop Doing On First Dates

50 First Dates (Widescreen Special Edition)
50 First Dates (Widescreen Special Edition)
Guy friends have brought these concerns to my attention. Shockingly, they are all valid complaints. Also, I think I have been rather hard on the male population as of late. So, I shift my focus to the blunders of women for a brief moment. These are my thoughts:

1. Eating like a bird: I get that you eat spaghetti like a 2 year old, but if that is a deal-breaker it was never going to work out anyway. Last time I checked, men expect women to actually eat dinner when they offer to take them to a restaurant. Order the damn pasta.

2. Choosing a restaurant that is basically a club: This may come as a shock, but you don’t get to know someone when you can’t even hear them across the table. Also, you get to know them even less by spending the entire night grinding your butt up against their junk (though you may emerge with some semblance of a penis size estimate, so there’s that).

3. Overcompensating with alcohol: Sure, that little bit of liquid courage is always helpful, but by mojito number four you either look like an alcoholic or a hot mess. In case you forgot, slurring your words is the opposite of sexy.

4. Talking about old boyfriends: There’s nothing more reassuring to a potential suitor than that story about how you dumped your last bf for being too clingy or how he cheated on you and now you are broken. There is a time and place for this conversation and it isn’t on the first date.

5. Putting out: Come on. Keep that shit on lock for at least a few more dates. Not only do you barely know this guy, but also giving it up that easily means they didn’t have to earn your respect or trust before getting all up in there. “Girls have needs too”, you say. “He will value me for being sexually open”, you say. Buy a vibrator and some self-respect.

6. Ordering the expensive shit: Ladies, I know you expect him to pay on the first date, and chances are he knows that too. So, it really puts the pressure on when you order that bottle of $50 wine right off the bat. Don’t emasculate him by putting him in a position where he can’t even afford to pick up the check that you expect him to get.

7. Being late: You bought that cute (but overpriced) watch for a reason. Use it! Nothing sucks more than getting that look of sympathy from the waiter as you pathetically sip on your fourth refill of water. We don’t like it when men do it to us, so being late because your fake eyelashes won’t go on right is not a good reason to leave someone hanging.

8. Taking the classic copout: It may not be as obvious as “I have to wash my hair” tonight, but dudes know when you are flaking with no intention of rescheduling. Just be upfront and stop being shady. Nobody like a wishy washy date.

9. Talking about babies: WHOA. Calm your tits, ladies. Yes, it is great that you love children and want to pop out a substantial number. However, if that is all you are after you should skip dinner and walk yourself down to the local sperm bank. There are probably other things your date should learn about you before you inform him of the time on your ticking biological clock.

10. Asking your date how many sexual partners they have had: I get that some women use this knowledge as a player-gauge. However, if you haven’t even finished your salad and you are wondering if crabs have been in your date’s past or present, that’s probably a red flag. TC Mark

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