“If you expect him to be perfect, you’re never going to find someone.”
Over the last 5 years of being single, I’ve heard that, or something similar, almost every time there’s a mention of a possible man in my life.
I mean, I get where people are coming from. In their eyes, I’m extremely picky. Whenever a potential guy comes in the picture, I find reasons not to like him before we even go on a date. He drinks too much. He’s too skinny. He used the wrong there/their/they’re. He seems weird. Literally any flaw that I can find.
But the truth is, I pick out those flaws because I just don’t feel anything. I’m not interested in getting to know him. I don’t care what he’s doing every second. I really don’t even think about him at all.
I understand that I’m never going to find a man that’s perfect. But I’m not looking for perfect.
All I want is to see a stranger, or maybe even someone I’ve met before, and somehow start a conversation. Maybe we’re attracted to each other right away, maybe not. We talk about random things, and we laugh, and we connect over common interests, and we plan to see each other again. The conversation comes easy and we just click.
And maybe the romantic part isn’t there right away either. That could come days or months or years later. I just want someone that turns into my best friend because we get each other. We did right from the beginning.
And then slowly, or quickly, or all at once, I want us both to feel like we could be more than friends. Like there’s some romantic aspect there.
I want it to be natural. I want to feel like myself around him, like I’m not forcing anything. I want to be excited about him. I want to be curious about him. I want butterflies. I want my heart to pound. I want to smile uncontrollably. I want to be able to call my friends because I (finally) met someone that I really really like who really really likes me. I want to be giddy when I talk about him. I want to blush at just the thought of him.
I want to feel something.
That’s what I’m waiting for.
And if I can’t get that, then I don’t want anything.