He was with her for almost two years and he cheated on her with about ten different girls. He only has sex with one of the girls. She was basically his secret girlfriend on the side. No, she was his secret girlfriend on the side.
But when I met him, I didn’t know any of this. To me, he was perfect. Then he warned me… “I’ve cheated on every girlfriend I have ever had. You shouldn’t be with me. I will only hurt you.” I just looked at him. I smiled. I said, “That’s okay. I think you’re worth it, so I’m gonna stay.” I had known him for about three weeks at this point. I still thought he was perfect, just a little less trustworthy.
So far, I’m right. We’ve been dating for almost seven months now and he’s the first person I have ever loved. He says that I’m the first girl he has ever truly loved. He says that with me, he doesn’t feel like he needs to cheat because we are so compatible together, not only regarding personality but also sexually. He says that he used to have the intimacy with his real girlfriend and the friendship with his secret side girlfriend, but with me, he has both.
He tells me that sometimes he doesn’t trust himself. He tells me that when we were apart for a month, he WANTED to cheat on me because he wanted to feel close to someone. He told me that anyone he would have cheated with would have just been a substitute for me because all he wanted was to feel close to me again, instead of being a state apart. He tells me that what we have is too good to throw it away for some side ho. He tells me that he would never be able to look at me if he did cheat on me. He tells me that he would never cheat on because he doesn’t want to hurt me. Not because it’s wrong, but because he knows it’ll destroy me.
I love him more than anything in the entire world. I would do anything for him. I would never hurt him because to hurt him would hurt me.
It would destroy me.
I tell him to cheat. I tell him to do it. To take away the temptation. To take away the worry I have whenever I’m not near him. To take away the hurt and heartbreak I would have if he did it.
He says no. He tells me that if he did cheat on me, he would break up with me immediately. I tell him I would break up with him first. I tell him I would make his life a living hell. I tell him that I would be overly nice to him so he would know what he ruined. I tell him that I would tell everyone what he did. I tell him I would want to hurt him just as much.
None of that’s true though. I wouldn’t break up with him. I would beg him to stay. I would tell him that we could work through this. I wouldn’t hurt him. If we did break up, I would be civil towards him. I would say hi. I would smile. I would ask him how he is. I would ask his friends if he has a new girlfriend yet. I would miss him.
And the worst part of all?
I would still love him every fucking day.