I Want To Be Happy, And I Damn Well Deserve To Be

Alexander Ronsdorf
Alexander Ronsdorf

So you did it. You broke me. You were the one who pushed me to the limit I was scared of reaching. To an all time low, that I KNEW was inside of me, but struggled so hard to ignore. The day you broke me, you left me confused, torn up, and angry. And yet I still wanted to be there for you.

But you didn’t want me.

I was left alone, not even able to find myself…but I officially found that darkness that was hanging over my head.

The day you broke me, the string was cut and the dark cloud fell over me. Suffocating and blinding me, taking away my ability to think, speak or feel anything. By pushing me away, I was pushed away from myself. Thank you.

Without you doing that I wouldn’t have realized the love that I deserve.

Without you breaking me, I wouldn’t have reached the point of admitting that I needed medication. Without you breaking me, I wouldn’t have paid attention to how exhausted I was trying to please, and help everybody else. Cause I am the one that needs help! For once I need to save me. I don’t know why I cared so much about making sure that you were happy and succeeding.

What a slap in the face to myself.

I knew you for a summer.

Or at least I hope I knew you. I hope you were real and honest with me. I hope what I thought and felt, and experienced wasn’t just all in my twisted lovesick head.

But hope is all I can really do I guess. Just hope it wasn’t all made up. Cause the reality is, I’ll never know the truth about you. And that’s okay…because you helped me to see the truth about myself. That the person I’ve known my entire life needs my help. The person that will stay by my side forever needs to feel loved.

Because I want to be happy…and I damn fucking well deserve to be! Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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