It’s not every day that we get the chance to fall out of love with someone who once made us feel like the center of the universe. The act itself sounds tragic and terrible. Just the thought of it brings images of our favorite Carrie Bradshaw to mind; laying in bed with the blinds shut tight with no desire to shower or eat. For me though, falling out of love has been the most amazing self-awareness journey I’ve been on in my entire life.
1. Falling out of love is easy.
Yes. You read that right. Falling out of love is easy.
It’s easy because you’re not the one who is left wanting when the relationship ends. You’re in control and you’re mentally sound when someone else’s world comes crashing down around them. Although this sounds heartless and awful, it’s actually a fact of life. It’s taught me that although someone is hurting, I don’t need to feel bad that they’re feeling pain. I used to feel terrible breaking up with people and I’d allow myself to take responsibility for their sadness, but ultimately, I’ve learned to take responsibility for my personal happiness.
2. I am a strong woman.
Strength is not always shown at the gym, or in a competition. Strength is sometimes a very personal thing. My strength was my ability to walk away. I think that living with your lover is wonderful and beautiful until it’s not anymore. When a relationship ends, especially after years of living with that person, we’re faced with more than just “a talk” when it’s over. I didn’t just break up with him, but also our home, our belongings, and routine. I donated everything that was in our shared space, got out of my lease (legally) and moved out of the state. If starting over was easy, everyone would do it. Walking away with literally nothing but my car and my clothes taught me that I am stronger than even I knew.
3. I do have a type, and it wasn’t him.
As harsh as this may be, it’s a lesson we should all learn. I didn’t think I had a “type” before this break up. I spent four years with a man who I fell rapidly in love with. It was exciting and dangerous in the beginning, but slowly (and surely) it became more and more evident that this man was everything I disliked. I know now that I fell quickly in love with the idea of this man who wanted the same things out of life that I did. The difference was that I was driven enough to work toward making those things happen for me, while he expected me to work to make those things happen for him. It was mentally, physically, and emotionally draining to work toward a shared dream as a single person. I now know that people can share the same dream but that doesn’t mean that they share the same drive to make it a reality.
4. I actually love myself.
Leaving someone who brings us down or does nothing to build us up is a really difficult task. We almost feel like we need this person, regardless of their negativity. I spent a lot of time feeling down because there was no support in my relationship. Obviously, hindsight is 20/20, but for the first time in 4 years, I’ve realized that I’m a pretty cool person! Not that I’m self-centered, I’ve just found that I’m a pretty okay person and I happen to enjoy my own company. Moving to a new place where I knew no one, allowed me to meet the person that had been suffocating for so long. I love who I am, and I’m grateful for this breakup.
Falling out of love happened so slowly and so gradually that I barely had time to realize it was happening but when it finally ended and I finally cleansed my life of this toxic person, I was able to find a positive part of myself that had been missing for so long. I challenge you to find your happiness in even the saddest of situations. Love yourself now, love yourself always, and allow yourself to learn all the new and exciting things about you!