For a person who suffers from a bipolar disorder, there is only dropping into blues or going nuclear with exhilaration. There is no in between. The question is how to keep your head over water with a person who could drown you into her whirlpool of extremes.
We live in a world now where the words “psychotic,” “paranoid” and “bipolar” are used freely, descriptions as if some accessories or credentials to show off that blind people of their real weight.
A bipolar disorder is psychological one characterized by haste mood shifting of episodes of misery and obsession. It is an endless rollercoaster of highs and lows and for a subject to enter a tunnel of romance, the gears and wheels are birth with excessive oil and the ride will definitely be more intense, if not a fatal one.
Manic depressive illness could be a very dark one leading the subject to see comfort in blades and ropes. It is so underrated.
There are prescribed drugs that calm the caffeinated nerves at peak and counseling to serene the toxic thoughts and heightened emotions of fear and love. But nothing beats a well understanding of a partner, and the sufferer itself to overcome bumps and smooth the ride.
1. Do not have each other against the world
Even in normal scenarios, this is a toxic war. One must be wise to choose a healthy fight. Having our lover as the only person in our world, or worst, our universe, might lead to ill fascination and obsession that would severe not only the relationship but also the individual growth. It could lead to incessant fights due to the unavailability of the lover, or inattentiveness soon to be negligence because of too much portion to fill. The absence of the other lover would cause paranoia and delusions and its loss might impact to the loss of the will to live. Remember that best relationships are those that lead the other individual to breathe and blossom to its best version and not contribute to its unnecessary wither.
2. Let her practice to seek constant communication from family and friends
Learn by heart that constancy of presence of filial and platonic love soothly taps the backs of a manic depressive. Allow her to have her me-time, encourage her scoops from her girlfriends, let her do her own thing and surround herself with her people. Do not put yourselves into a bad habit of crossing out the love from outside of your relationship just because you found each other.
3. Avoid toxic, unnecessary petty fights
It has been said that there are really no studies that said “letting off steam” does any benefits or any good. Aggressively suspending dissatisfaction, disappointment or the lacking of the partner in a contemptuous delivery only bleeds and damages the heart of the lover and visibly stomps cracks on the relationships. And the damage could never be undone. When someone is diagnosed to be highly susceptible to feel intensely, you might not want to cause her heart with so much grief. Lovers could overcome fights in a constructive way rather than destroying each other with futile rising of voices, pointing fingers and overly degrading words.
Learn from each other’s personality to set up a means in dealing with fight, it could be hitting an airplane mode by texting all your rants and delete them when you are both calm and construct a reasonable message telling your disagreement in a polite way. And it could also be staying away from each other until the tension passes.
4. Let her manage a diary, or share a journal together
When the feeling is too much, it spills, and those excesses might be so beautiful to interpret. Managing a diary could be a therapy for a manic depressive for it creates a bridge to understanding and weighs the relativity of suspended morality. On the process of writing one could lead to discovery, realization and comfort.
5. Save money together for travel
Constructing discipline within the bounds of the relationship also ignites the betterment of an individual. Knowing that the trained discipline would render to beautiful experiences that would amount to priceless memories is a fulfilling task. Take your girlfriend to amazing places and outgrew your home in the way back together knowing that upon your return you will be much rich souls with perspective and ideals reaching the horizon. Breathe.
6. Always join new activities or fill bucket lists together or separately
Always aim for something. Stimulate your minds by reading companion book together, and then talk about the perspective of the lovers in the same story. Play board games together with corresponding punishment or reward. Challenge each other in physical games like sports. Own dogs and cats by partners and be responsible of their well being. Take classes separately in your individual passions. Artistic one, take classes in painting or sculpturing or wood working or calligraphy and Physical fit one, take challenges in biking or boxing or swimming. Then come home with tales to tell and accomplishments to flaunt and friends to introduce. This would enrich your relationship in so many levels and dispersed responsibilities and tasks to direct your thinking. It would cultivate separate growth avoiding dull monochromatic days of over and sick attachment during endless spooning in naps on couches.
7. Know that third-party might lead to so much darkness for a clinical depressive
Even if you are in a bipolar-free relationship, committing small scale emotional infidelity to cheating is so chaotic. It could lead to cat like fights to war zone. But then, you would not want to mess with a person who could feel so much more; from anger to contempt, from miniscule to enormous. If you find it hard to deal with her or work out with her, be honest with your feelings and end your relationship with a closure before jumping into another that could lead to real ugly scars, literally and figuratively.
8. Be mature enough to deal and handle her
Something too big is not for everybody, it is a given. You could not ask for her apology for being too much or ask to soften her edge for you. Love her dearly and understand that she might be a little different from other girls you have dealt with. Know that her emotions are her sky-rocket appeal but sometimes could be her downfall too. You cannot ask for her explanation for bursting, you could only admire her fireworks. You could not tell her to get a grip or calm down, you could only watch her rocks in avalanche falling until they do no more.
She is not a challenge to overcome or a broken thing to fix or even an art to be impressed with. She is whole, she just happened to feel so much more. And if you find yourself too little for someone too big, then let your love for her be the fuel for you to keep up too.
9. Set your high bar for yourself and make yourself someone for her to look up to
Even if our lover has already peaked our worst, we must still always thrive and strive to let our best selves take over. Not only do we need to make the relationship work out, but we must also stick our individual selves to our best behavior and practice our best habit. And what we repeatedly do tells who we are. Not only would she love you for your virtues and vices but you could make her fall in love with you exponentially and break the notion of loving a bipolar girl makes an unhealthy relationship. Do not only turn the table upside down, but conquer stigma not “despite” of her condition but “because” of her idiosyncrasy.
10. Always make her happy
You must know that a manic-depressive could hit streak highs too. I could assure you that if you make her laugh, the voice of her laughter will be so orgasmic it would underestimate the symphonies of the opera and the cascading raindrops on the windowsill. She could not be just a gloom that will represent the silence of the slumber of universe but she could also be a buoyant tornado that will sweep your feet elicited from your funnier attempts than the actual jokes themselves.
Always make her happy for she could feel it twice more and the muscles on her face contracting and expanding will reflect into your heart into palpitating with nothing but joy. I also believe that a highly vulnerable to feel four times more could write much beautifully for she could express and find right words in their right fits and your attempts to her happiness is a thousand feelings in her every thank you.
I know, for I am a sufferer myself.
It might be true that love cannot cure a genetically endowed or environmental elicited mental disorder. And even a toxic relationship could push us, the sufferer, to murdering ourselves. For us, love and madness come interchangeably.
But love moves mountains and gives people wings to fly, too. Life becomes easier with correct hands. And then, it becomes not much of a risk.