One night you’re crying your eyes out from anticipating the loss of your lover or the bereavement over the death of your heart, then one great morning you’re singing with the appreciation upon the overlooked gifts and you’re laughing your lungs out.
One second you’re exploding with wistfulness from reading your traditional old love letters and then another second you’re chuckling with your great best friend about how stupid the boys are.
One dinner you’re staring at the ceiling, feeling how alone you are and how things happened in your unhealthy relationship and devise some plans to make it work out, then one breakfast you’re sitting with your mother seeing how the lines on her forehead had deepened over the time you shrugged your shoulder to her when you were still silly and madly in love. Heartbreak is hilarious, crazy and powerful that way. It is a high time to transform that most-shunned and painful and wretched noun into something superlatively beautiful. Darling, cliché as it is, everything is just a matter of perspective, and along the way a matter of coping. The catch is you have that upper hand to create your own.
Your pain is completely valid. And the sleepless nights and pooling your pillows are entirely okay too. Whatever the reason is, your heartbreak is a testament that what you shared with someone who used to be special to you is real, and it is your say when it’s just a random happenstance or you know, some blessing in disguise.
Now the time has run out, what you’ve become might it be something positive or contrary to that, is a ticket. It is a ticket to something so beautiful and desirous – strength of character, lessons learned, and of course a realization that a heartbreak will never kill you, for on the contrary you can manifest such into something way unimaginable.
* * *
1. Channel your pain to something dramatically beautiful
Poets are born from the darkest of experiences. Overwhelming paintings in the museums are brushed with the blood of the broken heart. Noblest wars to epic novels which are written exquisitely on classic legendary books are triggered by the fear of losing someone they love. Tragic and comic compositions are most of the times mastered by the art of reflecting of own experiences. Tragedy novels, romance ones, art that make life makes sense and we are glad for the existence are intensified by the suicidal thoughts transformed into something that they have given life with. You may never know what legend you could make with that amount of pain turned into something, any adjective you wish to accomplish. With this, both removing him from your system and making a creation from your emotionally-peak-situation-don’t-deny-it is hitting two birds with one stone. Congratulations.
2. Create a timetable, plans on weekends in your journal, sticky notes to accomplish on your calendar beside your bed
You might have spent most of your time with your ex-boyfriend and that’s okay. Now, it’s time to rekindle the lost relationships, neglected pets, shrugged off BFF’s and girlfriends, and that evident protozoa living in your lampshades. Think of something productive events you craved to do with them and fill such calendar with such sticky notes. You don’t need yourself pondering over a punctuated emotional stress again, two weeks or one month is enough. You need some beautiful souls to interact with and of course, a beautiful reminder beside your bed to look forward to. Nothing beats a physical reminder to excite some anticipations and excitements up.
3. Decide the things you want to buy, print their images and paste on something you’ll always see everyday
Romantic relationships are expensive at some point. You think of two instead of one, and there are dates, monthsaries and anniversaries to celebrate. However now, you think of yourself only, what you always wanted that you have forgotten or decided not to buy so you can save for your get away with your former lover. Now you look for them, print them, and paste their physical evidences over your walls (or ceilings) so you could enjoy the anticipation of buying them, and crossing them out after the achievement.
4. Create or fulfill bucket lists
Bucket lists are things you subjectively want to accomplish in your life with specific limit or not. Like, buy a house before getting 30 or rent an apartment full of lovely dogs in 25ish. Or it could be like dancing in the rain or memorize the names of stars in constellations or buy a telescope or whatnots. They must be enthralling, realistic and exciting, and of course those that are out of your comfort zones though you surreptitiously wanted to try ever since. They could be achievable by you or with your sister or best friend or even a complete stranger you met. Such adventures could open your eyes into something you’ve never seen before, experiences that could entirely change you, different cultures for you to open your room of doubts and expand your horizons in terms of perspectives, and most importantly, a tap in your back letting you know that there will always be more to life.
5. Appreciate what you have overlooked before
It is a painful paradox to learn that the more we see something, the less we see of them. Hence are the mornings you sit by your mother over breakfast for almost two decades and not knowing what her favorite sports is, what’s her lifetime wish, who was her first love or her favorite bedtime stories. It’s never too late until you decide for self. Stop beating around the bushes and thinking of another day yet to come and blabber that pile of messages you are embarrassed to say, or questions you are ashamed to ask. The filial love or the love of family is the basic foundation of all types of love and once you developed and nurtured it, it will reflect with the self love hence avoiding to just give away yourself to someone else. With such improved standards and disciplined decisions you’ll find yourself one less of heartbreak, and of course a much blossomed love you multiply as you share.
6. List the things you didn’t like with your ex-boyfriend and put it under your bed
It’s payback time, witches. Thank all the divine providences that you will not live with them anymore. Maybe it’s how he smells in mornings, or how he says how full your make up is when you just want to be yourself, or how crooked is his teeth or how he plays too much online games he has a retard brain. It’s funny how such activity to be hilarious and of course fishbones removed from your throat. (You might also discover how creative you could get, from how he gets his boogers to how he farts, yuckies)
7. Focus on the more important things that demand attention, time and energy
Self love is the most unfamiliar vocabulary in the dictionary of loving someone as per common misconception. However, the very key to unlock such healthy relationship everyone longs for is actually it. It might be true that to love is to be vulnerable however might you want to repel it, you must strive to enlarge the portion in loving yourself and have things going on for yourself. You must give more time to the things you love to do and make it a habit that you do something for yourself everyday. See to it as well to best whatever you must prioritize, the things that determine you and will determine you in the future. For one thing that you must best it is because it identifies and classifies you. You might be abandoned by the person you love but when you have something big going on with your life, you will still be happy because you are independent and you live for yourself.
8. Discover new things
Getting out of your comfort zone is scary that people stick to conformity, old habits and beliefs. But then again, it is by nature that human beings always strive for more or question and ponder over things. With such it is either they stand firm with what they were spoon fed ever since in childhood or continue doing with what they are being told to or completely break their rickety and topsy turvy compartment of ideas. It is what it is to be human, and it’s actually fine. With such whirlpool inside of you, an impulsive personality is to be unleashed. Use it. From a stage-fright student, try to engage in some impromptu or debate activities. Question the standards. Try speaking whatever it is going in your mind. Love spending time alone because you really hate being with pretentious corrupting people. Stop doing things people told you to but things you, a new discovered misfit want. Now that pain can make you fearless, learn what you really love doing and do it without thinking of societal pressure. You may never imagine where you are good at and what you really love without experimenting, searching and discovering you.
9. Manage a diary, a blog, or anything that you could remove him from your system
I have read once that writers are sad people but it is the other way around where sad people write. But for me writing could be anything – one way to release from the sadness and another way to relive the happiness. By maintaining a journal, one could document little moments, the insights and feelings captured within the day. May it be a miserable one or exhilarating, it will not hurt to either subside it or relive it. The storm raging within you may be calmed by the strokes of the pen finding some words you never knew that were there. And then you may never know that with such poetic act could you beautifully let go of something already long gone.
10. Listen to what the universe might be telling you
You could have depended your happiness to another soul and live for them that releasing from a romantic, dramatic and unhealthy relationship kills you. Or you might chase a guy you thought “the one”. You might have lowered your standards too much or have been deprived of maternal or paternal love that you engaged yourself in emotional gambling. You might have loved and life happened and things didn’t work out and you were so strong you tried falling in love again in many times. It’s okay. The thing is humans, like you, are complex yet beautiful creatures. However feelings are very subjective that any minute it can change and you cannot blame the other party over it. That’s why there is nothing as objective as some rule in loving someone. We might get dumped by the person we so adore or leave the people who root so much in us.
Maybe there really are no laws or constitution to govern our hearts but we might learn from the past mistakes. Perhaps it is not meant for us, if ever you believe in something as vague and beautiful as destiny. The thing is love happens and whatever extreme adjective it causes to you it makes you realize things and to be a better person because of love. May it be the most painful thing it ever happened to you, it is the bravest and wisest thing you could ever do. So perhaps fates do not align with the random placement of stars and comets, maybe it is learning from the universe why it doesn’t work out, grow from it and embrace it with open arms with the promise it will make sense some day, some time.
* * *
One day you tell yourself what you feel makes the ending of the world an understatement then one morning you tasted the greatest breakfast in the universe.
One minute you could tell to yourself you cannot make it then a little later you’re talking to a complete stranger smiling for the first time. One day you might lay down in your bed in your small town then next day you see how big the world really is.
One second you might come to a restaurant deciding to read a book while waiting and some guy approach you then later on marry him, when you cannot have him approach you when your ex boyfriend are still together, or not sitting or doing that exact thing in that exact time in that exact place.
Life is full of surprises. Just live for a day expecting better days will come, have the will to face them, do things with the strength of a broken hearted. Help yourself and get all the help you could get. It might have been versed that loving is so short, and forgetting is so long. But dear, you have to. And when an okay day already came, do not be afraid to fall in love again. The best things in your life haven’t happened yet.