I’ve never promised that I’m a relationship expert or even that I’ve had a successful relationship (success meaning it ended in marriage) so I would personally take my dating and relational advice with a grain of salt. I can, however, share with you what OTHERS have shared with me.
In my almost 28 years of life, I’ve had lots of days, lots of convos (I talk too much), some of which people have felt the need to offer up free (sometimes good and sometimes horrible) advice.
I was laughing about all of this good and bad advice with a good friend the other day and I felt like I should share it with you all in hopes that you can relate to it and henceforth create comradery.
Here are the top 3 WORST and most frequent pieces of dating ADVICE that I’ve ever gotten…
1. Always order salads on dates.
I love this advice because it’s like they WANT you to fail because NO ONE actually looks cute while eating a salad. It’s impossible, you get dressing all over yourself and you have green stuff stuck in your teeth for days. Nobody wants to kiss a girl with kale breath. It’s as if this says, “No guy wants to be with a girl who can eat heavy meats and potatoes.” I honestly don’t think they even care. Eat a burger ladies, I dare you.
2. Let men win on dates because it makes them feel better.
That’s bull. If you lose once that means that you always have to lose, otherwise they will know that you were faking it. Maybe I’m wrong here but isn’t that called LYING? Like I already stated, I’m not a relationship expert but lying doesn’t seem to be the best way to win someone over. I’ve watched lots of chick flicks and false identities never seem to work out. He’ll probably think it’s hot when you kick his butt at bowling.
3. MY FAVORITE, WORST PIECE OF ADVICE EVER! “Just quit looking and they will show up.”
Now hear me when I say, I feel like people are really well-intentioned when they say this. Despite that, it never fails to piss me off when someone says this. Not to go on a tangent but I’m going to go on a tangent….I hate to break this to you people, but unless you totally lose your sex drive you are probably never going to lose your desire to be with someone. You might take a break from dating but you will probably not totally lose the desire to be with someone and that’s OKAY. I’ve been through a season where I genuinely wasn’t thinking about it AT ALL and it was a zombie apocalyptic wasteland of a dating season, so you can’t tell me that’s all that it takes because it just ain’t flippin’ true. I would’ve been married a LONG time ago if that was what it took.
My three favorite BEST pieces of dating ADVICE…..
1. Marry someone who can be a best friend.
If you think about it, the person that you end up marrying is someone that you will spend FOREVER with. You will adopt some of their mannerisms. During busy seasons, you will spend time with them when you wouldn’t have time to spend with other people or friends. At a very basic level, you better like and enjoy their company. Look at what your best friends are like, are they all outgoing and fun? Shy and reserved? Don’t limit yourself, but just a thought that a good (married) friend shared with me, whatever all of your best friends are like, you might want to find a person who is similar to those characteristics because it means you will at the very least like hanging out with them.
2. When you find the right person, it will be easy.
My mom has told me this for as long as I can remember. There can be some real drama and confusion around the area of relationships and dating. You can lose your freakin’ mind at the glance of a text message. I don’t think it should necessarily be like this though. I think mom is onto something.
3. Assume the best in people.
Always assume the best in people. No matter what happens, assume that they weren’t doing anything out of malus or spite but instead just doing what they thought was best at the moment.
I could laugh until I cry over this stuff, or go figure, be a girl and analyze it all.
But honestly, I don’t think that there is a recipe, rhyme or reason to dating. I’m pretty sure you just need to genuinely be yourself and one day it will just HAPPEN and it will be EASY….or at least according to Mom that’s the way that it works.
If that feels like a distant reality, don’t lose heart. I feel pretty confident that even if you feel hopeless, lost and dejected in this area, God hasn’t forgotten about you and he very personally knows what matters to you. HAVE HOPE! There’s so much hope!!!