Being in love is supposed to be the best experience; something best described by insufficient metaphors, hopelessly beyond expression. So what happens when being in love becomes painful; when loving someone is a bad thing? When you find yourself in love with two people at once your internal monologue becomes increasingly confused as your heart teeters on the edge of breaking. Here are some of the less than enjoyable results of loving two people:
1. You Talk to Everybody
With so much going on inside your head you can’t help but talk everybody’s ear off about it. You risk the judgment of being involved with two people for the chance of good advice. You may even go to your parents, willing them to tell you what to do even though you know you probably won’t listen to them anyways. You try and let yourself be convinced but generally wind up more torn as you defend one love or the other.
2. You Make Pro-Con Lists
Someone will recommend this generally useless activity. You’ll scoff, knowing that a simple list cannot encapsulate the raging emotions tormenting you. Yet in a moment of crisis you whip out a pen and start scribbling. You, perhaps unwittingly, strive to keep the columns even, not too many pros for one person or too few cons for another. You ultimately scrap the list and a useless tool in deciding.
3. You Stress
You stress constantly. You stress eat, you stress dream – everything you do is tinged by you constant stress. You stress about making the wrong choice. You stress about hurting someone you love. You may try and block out your dilemma but always at the back of your mind is the knowledge that you’ll eventually need to choose.
4. You Think About Running Away – A Lot
The thought to running away, even if it’s just to hide under your bed becomes increasingly attractive. You avoid making decisions; of making promises you can’t keep and instead try and fail to push everything away. You consider the practicalities of leaving the country. Wonder about the chances of falling into a coma for a few weeks. Your phone will become you enemy as you constantly want to chuck it into a river and end all contact. You start to think you’d be better off alone forever at which point you start thinking more seriously about getting a cat.
5. You Consider Polygamy Less Far-Fetched
You wonder why you can’t just have it all. How can loving someone be wrong? You know it’ll never work, but you can’t help but let a small part of you hope that everyone involved can live happily ever after. Maybe the Mormons do have the right idea.
6. You Make a Decision
You talk to each of them; you tell them you love them, you tell them each that you don’t want to hurt them. In the end, you hurt someone. You hate yourself and you regret everything. You feel like a monster and are certain you’ve broken the best thing you ever had or ever will have. You cry until you fall asleep and hope that time really will diminish the pain.