If you google the phrase “clingy in a relationship”, pretty much 9 out of 10 search results will come up with a negative, dismissive tone while the remaining 1 is probably urban dictionary explaining what clingy means.
“Clingy” has long been deemed as one of the most undesirable traits that could instantly turn off any level of interest. It’s the bomb you drop on the first date if you want to send any dating prospect off to NOPEville. In a nutshell, no one, I repeat, no one wants to be seen as clingy.
However, nowadays people throw that word around too easily and sometimes people are wrongfully labelled clingy. Though, even if they’re really being clingy, it doesn’t always have to be such a bad thing. Here’s the reason why it’s totally okay to be clingy in a relationship:
It’s normal and okay to want to spend a lot of time with your girlfriend/boyfriend/partner.
When you really like someone, no matter at what stage of the relationship, there’s absolutely nothing wrong about wanting to be with the star of your dreams all the time. It’s in our human nature. It’s just as basic as feeling hungry and wanting food.
In most cases, the clingy lover is actually the lover whose needs aren’t met, who doesn’t feel appreciated in the relationship and that’s why it brings up insecurities and consequently, leads to attention-seeking behaviors. Inherently, it’s not the clingy lover that is wrong. It’s simply that their desires just aren’t reciprocated on the expected level.
So instead of blaming yourself for “being too much” and trying to fix what isn’t wrong in the first place, know that it’s okay to feel this way and communicate with your partner openly and honestly about your needs.
Someone who complains you’re too clingy might well be just not that into you.
Let’s stop for a second and ask yourself this: If you really, really like someone, would you be annoyed by this person wanting to be with you call it clingy, or would you wish to see them all the time and get jumpy and excited whenever you hear from them?
I don’t know about you but I would be so damn happy and flattered if my crush was ever clingy to me! Even when I need my me time, because I like him so much, I wouldn’t react negatively to his desire to be with me no matter how intense (I wish, seriously!), or use it as a reason to break off.
If someone breaks off with you because you’re too clingy, unless you’re at restraining-order-required level, sorry my dear, chances are high they’re already put off by other reasons and your clingy triple texts ain’t one. If anything, it’s probably just the last drop that makes the cup run over.
If that’s how you love, then be it.
Some might say clinginess comes from insecurities which means it needs to be fixed. However, for some people, it’s just who they are and the way they love. They need that much of attention and contact. They are that intense, that passionate, that crazy for love. So be it.
There’s no shame in being true to yourself. Actually, you should be true to yourself all the time and embrace every ounce of that clinginess if there’s any. Just because someone doesn’t want you the same and thinks you’re being clingy doesn’t mean everyone agrees with that or there’s something wrong with you.
To be fair, whether someone is clingy or not is totally relative. Do you know that clingy isn’t even a thing in some Eastern societies, for example Chinese or Vietnamese? These collectivist cultures don’t promote independence and so in relationships, couples stick together all the time and clingy is even what’s considered normal.
There are people who want a clingy lover.
Remember this: You’re not for everyone. You’re for the people who value you and appreciate you for everything you are including being clingy if that’s how you love. There are many, many people out there who would love to be with a clingy lover, who think your level of clinginess is absolutely healthy and normal and flattering. Don’t settle for less than that. Maybe you just haven’t found the right one yet.
That being said, if you believe being clingy is in fact an indicator of a much deep-rooted emotional wound, or it has consistently posed a problem to all of your relationships or even your life, do look into it and make some changes, or even ask for help. This is the chance to learn more about yourself and find out what works best for you!
You should follow Thought Catalog on Instagram here.