Training my mind to guard off worries and stay relaxed under all circumstances is challenging but I don’t believe it’s impossible. I figure out it’s all about mindset and staying focused. It’s about thinking long-term and being mentally strong. And this could be applied to all aspects of life.
Being chill about relationships with others.
I have learned that the only way to not let myself constantly get worked up about relationships with others is to be highly self-aware. Knowing yourself well means knowing your own value, who you are, what you want and don’t want, what’s right for you and what’s not.
If none of this is clear to you, your self-esteem will be easily attacked and shaken by people’s opinions of you. However, if you are sure about yourself, you will be able to stop attaching your self-worth to things that don’t really matter (because you know what matters!)
People’s opinions can be used as constructive feedback and you do need constructive feedback if you want to improve yourself. But people’s opinions never define who you are or change anything about you. You are the one who decides what defines you and how you want to be changed.
Also, when things go wrong, self-understanding allows you to see through what happens and handle any problem for what it is instead of mixing it up with your other deep-rooted insecurities and anxiety issues, which likely leads to fixation and makes it harder for you to let go.
For example, if you believe your new dating prospect loses interest in you means you’re not good enough, or if they like you you’re finally worthy, you have associated the interest of a person who knows very little about you with your self-worth. You make it so unreasonably personal that you have absolutely no way to chill out and be effective.
Think like this:
Not everyone chooses you (or likes you) and it’s okay. Maybe according to them you’re not good enough but who cares what they think anyway? You know who you are and you certainly don’t need someone who doesn’t want you the same way. It’s time to move on and find someone more compatible who thinks you’re great — simple as that.
Being chill means treating things as what they are, and more often than not, taking them at face value to avoid unnecessary overthinking. It’s also vital that you don’t make it your life mission to have everyone like you. It’s plain impossible. Your better strategy is to be nice, be kind to everyone and respond to those who take interest in you. That’s definitely more effective.
Being chill about life in general.
One sure thing is that freaking out doesn’t solve any of your problems and doesn’t get you anywhere. In fact, staying calm and relaxed might well be your best chance of actually coming up with anything sensible that yields results.
If you want to be chilled out even when life feels out of your control, the first step is to identify your priorities and goals. Remember that success takes time and hard work so set small, achievable goals and work towards the big ones with patience.
The next step is to make a practical plan depending on how urgent each of the items on your to-do list is. And finally, place your focus on things that require you to take immediate actions and have absolute faith that things will work out in the end.
Once you are clear about what’s important and what’s not, what you can do right now and what you have no influence over, you will find it easy to allocate your time and energy effectively while letting go of things that do not align with your long-term goals. That’s where the chill is at. Keeping things in check and making steady progress will give you a sense of control and peace of mind.
It’s also important to learn to feel comfortable saying no to people and plans which do not benefit you and/or you have no interest in. You might think saying no pisses people off and it causes you stress but what I have learned is that it actually makes people respect you more for knowing your own limits and sticking up for yourself. It’s a positive thing and you should not feel bad about it.
Some practical tips to help keep your head clear:
1. Exercise — it’s now well-known that working out does not only improve your physical health but it also fights off anxiety and stress and boosts your mental energy.
2. Block out things you cannot do anything about until you can do something about it — take good care of your mind. Fill it with positive thoughts and tasks that can be done now and do them well.
Knowing when not to be chill.
It’s good to chill out but you don’t need to be chill all the time. As for things of significance to you and the people you care about, you should not be chill and you’re not supposed to be chill about them. Spend time with them, focus on them and show them that you love them.
Likewise, when it comes to who you are, what you’re worth, your boundaries and standards, you are free to throw chill out of the window and stand up for yourself. Raise your voice and let the world know there’s only one way to treat you and that’s the way with care and respect.
When your heart races and your knees get weak, forget about chill and be real to yourself. Don’t fight your feelings and don’t hide your true thoughts. Embrace them. Show them. Be vulnerable. And have absolutely no regret.
Over time, you will learn to manage your emotions and make the most out of being chill while still staying true to who you are.