20 Great Lessons You Can Learn From A Terrible Date (So It Wasn’t A Complete Waste Of Your Time)
By Ellen Nguyen
1. A good date could quickly turn into a bad date just like a seemingly right person could turn out to be a wrong person. Your mission isn’t to make it right but to see how it goes and make a decision accordingly.
2. There is one reliable sign that someone likes you: they are around you. If they are always absent, they don’t give a fuck about you.
3. You don’t go on dates to prove yourself to anyone. Your best strategy is to be yourself and simply have fun.
4. Body language doesn’t lie. And your intuition is probably right.
5. A person who cares about you and respects you won’t pressure you for sex when you’re not ready. Vice versa, a person who pressures you for sex when you’re not ready doesn’t care about you or respect you. They care more about their penis and I’m not sure if they respect anyone for that matter.
6. You don’t need someone who doesn’t care about you and/or respect you.
7. Fixation on someone is no way to know and like someone. You don’t know the person and you might not like who they truly are.
8. Your feelings are your well-being. You should respect your feelings and learn what they are trying to tell you. Instead of asking “What did I do wrong?”, you should focus on yourself and ask “How does this make me feel?” and “Why am I feeling like this?” to decide on your course of actions.
9. If someone genuinely likes you, saying a wrong thing here and there or appearing less than perfect won’t make them walk away. They walk away because they decide so on their own terms.
10. Interest is given, not chased after. If someone doesn’t like you, it’s just the way it is. It’s okay.
11. How people treat you is their choice, not something you can control. What you can control is your reaction to them and the power they have over your heart.
12. It’s normal to want someone’s attention as a way of self-validation but trust me, you don’t need this. Take a step back and put things into perspective. Do you really want this person? Your self-worth is not determined by your dating success, especially not by a stranger you’ve just met. Also, it’s good to learn to not take things personally when it’s clearly nothing personal.
13. Always. I say, always, believe what people claim about themselves even if it’s a joke. That joke doesn’t just come out of nowhere. It comes from a place called self-awareness. They know themselves better than you do.
14. If you have been dating someone for a while and found yourself wondering again and again whether they are really interested or not, chances are that it’s a case of he/she is just not that into you. If it’s actually a problem of expressing affection and emotion, you really should communicate openly with them about this. Make sure you’re not strung along or taken advantage of in any way.
15. If you find yourself constantly making excuses for someone’s behaviours, they are bad news.
16. Never go on a first date and ask where this is leading to. There is no need to rush. Just enjoy yourself and have a good time. Things will change and people will change, it might not end up anywhere but at least you have some good memories to remember and your time was well spent.
17. Pay attention to someone’s actions, not their words. Words are cheap.
18. You will always want to make it right but you will make mistakes and it’s actually a good thing. Without mistakes, you would never be able to learn and find out what works for you. At least you have tried and dared to try. There is only so much you can do anyway.
19. You meet a person and when they don’t react the way that you hope or expect, you think there is something wrong with you and you try so hard to adjust yourself for them but maybe you are not supposed to and they are not supposed to. Some people are just inherently different and no compromise or hard work could solve this and it’s okay.
Just stay true to who you authentically are and trust that you will meet someone who likes you just that, someone who sticks around even when you say the most cringe-worthy things on earth, someone who welcomes you, who respects you, who makes you feel human. That can be a friend, can be a lover, but that’s definitely the type of people who are meant to stay.
20. Moving on is an art but it’s an art that can be mastered. The first step is to give yourself a lot of time and time will take care of the rest. You’re doing just fine.