I was heartbroken not long ago. Okay. Heartbroken is an overstatement because realistically, the story wasn’t anything much. But you could say I was fairly invested and subsequently sad. We were in university. We dated for a good while out of convenience. When it was no longer convenient, he wanted to end it. That’s the basic plot. And for the details, one day I woke up to a text from him. He said, sorry, I want you to give me up, our relationship was nothing special.
I turned the phone over with one hand so I didn’t have to see his text, while having a dramatic staring contest with the ceiling. What should I do now? I thought, trying not to freak out.
Then I suddenly felt like I was the main character in an indie rom-com and this was the scene where a still frame’s emphatically captured: my late-morning-messy-hair misery vividly illustrates the heartbreak and there is this huge stamp right across my face that says: the first lesson of adulthood – letting go. Classic.
It’s not like I hadn’t anticipated this at all. I could be mentally blind as f*ck but I’m not socially clueless or stupid. I knew. Though, it doesn’t discount the fact that there is pain and disappointment in any kind of breakup and the event of breakup is negative in itself.
My mood was very low. I hated him then I missed him. I missed him then I hated myself. I even shed tears here and there at the thought of falling in love, even just momentarily, with someone who turned out to not give a fuuuu– about me. Dammit.
Needless to say, day one after that text, I felt like a massive loser. Day two, day three and many days after that, I still felt like a loser. Day nine, my sister asked me if I still felt like a loser and I told her, I needed to go running.
Day fourteen and fifteen, I had been running for a few days and I noticed that my legs were getting more toned. I still thought of him and felt sad but well, my toned legs cheered me up.
I realized running is good and so is cooking; I had been cooking for my whole family for weeks and my skill was getting better – I proudly told myself I’d totally be wife materials in no time.
A few weeks later, I talked to my hot guy friends while reading stupid sh*t on the internet; they all made me laugh like an idiot and suddenly it hit me, damn why was I even sad?
They say the best revenge is a life well lived. Obviously I don’t want revenge with this guy or any guy for that matter because hey ladies, it’s not good for your health and bitter is totally not cool, but I do agree with this saying.
Why should we be sad while the people who hurt us are out there happily living, eating, shitting, f*cking like some fat ass rabbits? There is no way this can happen. We should be carefree, happy too, and obviously be f*cking hotter people.
If anything, we should all remember that this heartbroken experience, no matter how terrifying it might seem, is not unique to any of us. We are not alone, we are understood. Other people have been there and they have survived it.
And it’s definitely not the end of the world, like another cliche saying goes: there was life before him then there will be life after him. Are we clear?
Personally, in a way, this break-up is exactly what I needed:
1) It makes me much more grateful for the people who truly care about me and always stay by my side.
2) It gives me motivations to try (great) things I would never consider trying before.
3) I realize I’m strong as f*ck and that I have more than enough self-respect and courage to walk away.
And most importantly:
4) Thanks to the low, I could fully appreciate the high and I feel more alive than ever.
Also, I suppose, we should always thank the people who don’t love us and let us go because they have given us the chance to find the love we want, the happiness we need, and so we could make space for better things, better people who want to stay with us, fight for us and let us do the same for them.
And we forgive those people and make peace with what happened because we deserve to be free from the hurt and them.
Even though now and then I would miss him and want him back, I tell myself that what’s done is done. Back then I didn’t know what I know now so I had made decisions to the best I could – I don’t need to have regrets. I will only march forward and not think twice again. Maybe now it’s still hard but I know better days are ahead of me.