I don’t know if this is still a thing but if you’re a single woman and you still get asked “Why are you single?” followed by a concerned, pity face, you’re not alone.
I’m that girl. I’m the single girl who has been single for longer than I could even remember. I’m actually okay with it. I bet most of us are until people around us start to talk about women and relationships, or even marriage for that matter, as if it is a goal, as if being with someone for a prolong period of time is the proof of the female’s quality.
And thus, it’s become common for women to feel this pressure and shame put upon us as we keep our single status on. We think there must be something wrong with us, or we must be doing something wrong even though most of the times, we do not even know why there has to be.
This isn’t made any easier when people usually have assumptions about women who are single for too long or only have short-term relationships and those assumptions are often not kind.
They assume we are commitment-phobic, emotionally troubled, too picky for our own good, easily bored. Or even worse, we are told we should settle down as soon as possible because once our beauty fades and our biological clock ticks, no man will even want us, as if beauty and giving birth is all what it is about women.
At this point, I find it rather ridiculous. Does society make assumptions like that about men? Do they pull faces when they hear that a man is single and playing the field? Or is it only something specifically aimed at women?
If it is, then it should change. Because women do not need anyone’s pity and certainly not need anyone to date us, take us, like we’re waiting around to be chosen, or if relationships don’t come, we will die or something. No, we won’t. We’re fine.
Like men, or any gender, we are single maybe because we’re busy building a business. Maybe at this stage of our life, we decide that we’re not ready for anything serious yet. Maybe, even better, we’re just not the type who would stay in a bad relationship just for the sake of it.
Or perhaps we prefer to go with the flow and have many mini-relationships because we’re just very keen and open-minded folks. We’re open to new people, new experiences, open to wherever life would take us to because we know, at this age, we need that.
We need the opportunities to learn, to grow, to become the person we want to be. We need to understand ourselves better, to know what works and what doesn’t work for us so we won’t have to make any life-time mistake later.
And even if we face many real problems like those assumptions people have, then that’s exactly why we need time for ourselves instead of jumping into any relationship since we’re smart enough to know relationships won’t just magically make our issues go away.
Actually, you know, we could be single just because we want to. No explanation needed.
How hard is it for people to fathom that single women no matter at what age could consciously choose to not have serious relationships or could enjoy spending time with ourselves, focusing on our career, family and friends, living life the way we want to without a need for a relationship, a husband, children? Or say, be chill about it?
This is us. The modern day independent women. We really don’t care how people might judge us based on our dating history. That’s their problem, not ours. We’re not sorry for being single, for only having had short-term relationships. This is our life. This is our choice. This is what happens to us.
It’s actually ridiculous that we even need to justify our singleness and ways of being to anyone, or sometimes, even ourselves.
So yes, I’m the perpetually single girl and I’m happy about it. If I happen to meet someone I really like and they like me too and we just click and can’t stop giggling like two silly little kids, then maybe we will see how it goes and we might hold hands for a very long, long time. But if not, well, then be it.
What’s your thought?