He’s a bad boy. You just don’t know it yet. You will lock eyes with him across the room and he will come to you with that confident smirk, whispering into your ears exactly what you want to hear and sweep you off your feet. There is something so attractive, so irresistible about him like all other bad boys have. Maybe it’s his attitude. Maybe it’s the way he’s so casual, so effortless that makes you feel way cooler when you’re with him.
Either way, chemistry is intense, kissing feels like you are electrified. Before you get a gist of what’s going on, you’re already hooked. You’re falling for yet another bad boy who will keep you around but will never commit; who will give you just enough attention to make you crave for him more and more; who will take and never give; who will break you into millions of pieces apart and you still want to have him because he always knows how to make you feel like the happiest girl in the world when he looks at you, touches you… until he’s gone again.
Well, you might have been there but now, you know way better than that.
No. You will not change him. You will not make him stay with you, fall for you. Instead, you will realize that you don’t actually love him because you don’t really know each other. You know his name, his face, his age, maybe even stories about his friends, his family, his childhood, but you don’t know anything much underneath all that. His hopes, his dreams, his weaknesses, all the deep, personal, vulnerable things that help you understand and bond with each other as real relationships do.
He doesn’t know anything as such about you either. What matters to you; what keeps you going when nothing else could; the small details that make you uniquely, beautifully you. No. All you have of each other is a warm body, attraction, lust. All the quick text messages, the rushing phone calls, the clothes cluttered on your bedroom’s floor, the endless nights you don’t know what to expect, and the feeling as though you had to prove yourself, that you’d never be good enough.
You will see how terribly different it is between what you need and what he could give, between your longing for real intimacy and his casualty and carelessness, between how you want to be treated and how you allow him to treat you. Then you will be startled you ever sold yourself so short. You will be shocked you settled for way less than what you deserve. You will break down in tears and then you will stand right back up. You will remind yourself every day that this isn’t the love you’re looking for.
This time it will be different because you will care about how you feel and you know you want happiness. You want someone who’s there for you, who won’t leave you hanging in uncertainty, who will do what he says he would. You want a man who choose you and choose to be with you. A man who treats you like nothing this guy does. You will stop trying to prove your worthiness because you are already whole and enough as the person you are. You will stop romanticizing the pain he causes you because there’s nothing romantic. It’s hurting. It’s suffocating.
But it will be different, and never be the same again because this time you will move on and free yourself from this trap.