You believe you are a confident person. Evidently, you always get what you want if you aim for it. Either a good grade, a date with the hottie, winning over people you work with or getting a promotion. Over times, your self-esteem rockets. Since you come across as confident, people are drawn to you and life becomes easier. You do everything smoothly, confidently, attractively. Then all of a sudden, it crashes. Your luck seems to leave your side. You get rejected. You are told you are not so good as you think you are. You are put down repeatedly. Needless to say, your self-esteem immediately drops. You become worried, anxious, insecure, which actually drives you to act in an off-putting way that only worsens the situation. This creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. But don’t worry. I’m here for you. Take these steps and stop this vicious circle:
1. Chill out.
Like, chill the fuck out. Life is a mean, unfair jerk who enjoys fucking us all so hang in there. It’s not the end of the world yet. We are all in this together. It’s okay to feel like shit, like you are nothing, like everything is wrong because seriously, what’s the big deal? Everyone feels like that once in a while. Even the most attractive, confident person has their insecurities, their low moments. If you do too, it just means you’re human and that’s a wonderful thing indeed.
2. Move the focus back to yourself.
This is your life, you go at your own pace. It’s about you, not anyone else. Never anyone else. You’re at a low point of your life and the low self-esteem might possibly turn some people off but that’s okay. Take as much time as you need to work on yourself and your life until you can put your shit together and feel invincible again. By then, there will be new people to meet and have fun. Plus, you will know who’s really there for you during your shitty time.
3. Find the confidence from within.
This sudden drop of self-esteem might well say something about you and how you think of yourself. If it goes away that easily, it’s possible that you have been seeking external validations from all the wrong places. Maybe it’s the people you successfully ask out, the compliments you are given on your look, the grades on your assignments — you need them to feel better about yourself. In other words, you base your sense of self on your performances and other people’s perception of you instead of your actual abilities and other qualities. True confidence should come from accepting yourself for who you are, from being aware of your strengths and weaknesses. This way, your confidence shouldn’t be affected by mean remarks or rejections because simply, you know who you are and what you are good at and thus, you will be able to put things into perspectives instead of taking everything personal.
4. Surround yourself with people who care about you and love you for who you are.
It’s very important that you find yourself again. So, call home. Really. Call mom and dad and sisters and brothers and friends and be reminded that you are so, so loved, so needed, so important, so much more than whatever you are thinking of yourself right now in this shitty mood. These people know who you are, they love you unconditionally and they let you know that there is no way in hell you should be bothered by some stranger whose words and presence have no weight in your life. Is this all so ridiculous? I mean, you can’t possibly be crushed so bad by someone you barely know, right? Why do you need their approvals? No. You don’t, because you have already had all the approvals you need from the people who love you and more importantly, yourself. Also, remember that this kind of powerful, authentic love is the only love that you should pursue, not the superficial, shallow, easy-come-easy-go expressions of interest that leave you insecure.
5. Fake it till you make it.
Stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself that you are kind, you are beautiful, you are funny, you are smart, and you are enough as the person you are. And believe it. I repeat. Believe it because it’s true. Make a list of all your good qualities and memorize it like it’s a religion. If someone doesn’t agree, fuck them, that’s their problem, not yours. You have so much to offer. You’re good at what you do. You’re cool as fuck. Yes. That’s right. Keep being positive and do things that make you feel good. It’s hard at first but just do it until all of this energy is absorbed into you and becomes you. Then you will be right back on track!
To be honest, in 5 years’ time, you probably don’t give a shit about any of this.
The older you get, the less shit you give, the more confident you become. But till then, now, this is how you deal with it and become awesome again. Don’t let life put you down or hold you back. Screw it. You’re strong, you can do this. We will do this together.