1. Be lazy
Everyone on the internet is lazy. Or likes to be lazy. Or claims to be lazy. Being lazy on the internet is cool. No one goes around saying OMG I’m so hardworking. Nah. Everyone procrastinates. Everyone is on Youtube, Facebook, Tumblr. Or yea, like now, your lazy ass is scrolling through Thought Catalog, amirite? Don’t worry. That just makes you very relatable.
2. No pants on
Internet people don’t like to put our pants on. Especially girls, for some reason. We all like to chill at home, on bed, playing computer games, eating junk food and probably sleep. So if you are short of topics to talk about to Internet people, just bring up your passion for not wearing pants at home then you can thank me later when you have an instant bestfriend.
3. Love eating
Yes. Everyone loves eating, not just Internet people. But what makes this a thing about Internet people is that we LOVE to brag about it, like how much we eat and how much we don’t care about gaining weight regardless of that size 2 body profile pic still or the fact that in real life, we are constantly self-conscious about our belly fat.
… which brings us to the next point:
4. Pizza, Bacon, Nutella as favourite food.
This can never go wrong. Nah. Just shout out how much you absolutely love pizza, bacon and nutella — Wait, not just love. Like, addicted, can’t live without them level of obsessed — then trust me, you will be bombarded with the, “OMG ME TOO!” (combined with heavy breathing) from literally everyone else on the internet. Yes. They are like the official national food of the Internet kingdom.
5. Have a Netflix
If you have a Netflix, you literally have a thing in common with at least 3/4 of the Internet population. Why? Because what else to do when you don’t want to wear pants and are lazy? Binge-watch Netflix of course. Duh.
6. Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, Walking Dead as favourite TV shows
Yoooo, Bitch. Yes, that’s it. Everyone knows what you are talking about and you will seem very cool. Don’t forget to express your feelings about how everyone dies in Games of Throne and how much you want to kill that dickhead Joffrey Baratheon. Now, wait to see some pupils dilate because of how relatable you are right now to them.
7. Ideal hangout is pizza and Netflix
All Internet people want is a night in with pizza and Netflix, of course on bed, preferably with no pants on. So, all you need to do is to say how much you love both of these (go back to point 4 and 5) and that you just hope you could fine someone who would do this with you instead of going out to a noisy club, you will flash like the traffic lights in their eyes.
8. Hate people
Internet people don’t just hate people. Internet people are passionate about it. They will relate to just anything with the words people, small talks, strangers, cancelled plans in it. Like, they could do an all-night monologue about how small talks make them want to shoot themselves or how they prefer to wear headphones all the time when they are out because that’s how much they hate making convos with strangers. All of this, and don’t forget to add that you have no friends. No one on the internet really has friends. And that’s totally cool.
9. Perpetually hot mess
It’s okay if you have your life not figured out because no one on the Internet has their shit together. Well, it’s quite apparent because of all the points above but it’s also kind of trendy right now, especially when you’re in your early twenties. Everyone tries to tell you that it’s normal, it’s cool, it’s fun to be a hot mess. Hence, all you need to do to be relatable is to get on this boat. Talk about how you don’t have time to make your bed this morning, how you haven’t done your laundry for two weeks or how you just had pizza for dinner (brownie points for pizza here) — everyone will be extremely sympathetic with you.
10. Love cats
This is a no-brainer. If pizza and bacon are the national food, this is the national animal. Everyone loves cats, cat videos and cat jokes. If you love cats too, you don’t need to be any more relatable — you ARE the Internet people.
So congratulations! By following these steps, you have successfully become a very relatable person on the Internet and hopefully made some new friends now. But seriously, go out and get some fresh air. Your room stinks.