Valentine is coming up soon, so I guess it’s an apt time we can shamelessly talk about love and dating. For all the single people out there, I know it’s hard to find someone you’re interested in and you’re all tired of people asking why you’re single and that there-must-be-something-wrong-with-you look. BUT. Frankly, part of what’s hard about dating is because of you. Yes, you. You, single people, make it unnecessarily harder for each other. How? Here’s the list of 5 annoying things daters need to stop doing.
1. The Waiting Game
When you first get someone’s phone number, the first text is always nerve-wrecking because you don’t know how the person will respond to you. So, you sit back and try to chill even though you’re obviously not chill, then you decide to shoot a friendly, cute text. Twenty minutes later, finally, a text comes through. You’re so happy. But wait! It takes them 20 minutes to text back and you definitely don’t want to seem too eager or desperate or the worst of all, thirsty! So you wait for 25 minutes before you hit the send button. And again they take 25 minutes. You want to top them so you wait half an hour. And so…
Oh. My. Gosh. STAPH!
What are you doing?? If you are interested in someone, let them know! Life is too short for any mind game and love is not a game. Chances are that by the time you’re done with your waiting and trying to be cool, they have already met someone hotter who actually pays attention and shows interest to them and lived happily ever after with three kids and four cats. Okay. That’s an exaggeration, but you get the point.
Next time if you are not sure what you should do, just ask yourself this: If you are interested in someone, would you mind if they reply promptly to you or give you a call after a good date? Or you’re more than glad? Vice versa, if someone is actually turned off by these straight-forward, firm expressions of interest, they are not that into you and they are probably not worth your time anyway. So, save the insecurities and hassles and go get what you want, tigers!
There are many types of flakiness but they all have one thing in common: they get on my nerves! Maybe you need to send your sick brother to the hospital or your team at work suddenly calls you in for an urgent meeting, it shouldn’t happen every time you are supposed to meet up with someone, right?
If it’s just that you’re not interested and you change your mind, then be honest to the other person about it. I’m sure anyone would thank you for that because no one likes to be cancelled again and again, especially at last minute when they have already turned down someone else’s invitation for you. If you’re interested but inherently flaky, you need to make more effort because flakiness shows inconsideration and disrespect of other people’s time and feelings. It is a huge turn-off. Also, flaky people are unreliable. Unreliable people are undatable.
3. Last-minute planning
“Hey, what are you doing tonight? Fancy going to see a movie or something? X”
I got this text from a guy I was sort of seeing after he ignored my last text for two days and I did not want to reply because I generally do not respond well to last minute plans and also, I was legitimately busy at the time.
About 40 minutes later, he had the gut to give me a call and let it ring for a moment. It was a missed call before I even had time to react. I was like, what the hell is up with this guy?
He could be inconsiderate of my time but got impatient when I did not reply right away to him? Well, in this case, it was apparent that he wasn’t that into me so he behaved that way. However, the point stays true. Last minute planning is inconsiderate and totally kills the exciting anticipation before the date.
Where have the days gone when a guy actually calls a girl to ask her out on a date that’s set up carefully because he wants to have a good time with her? Or at least, yeah, modern day version for both genders, call or text to make a firm plan to see each other and stick to it. That’s good enough.
4. Saying empty words
We must meet up soon. Let’s hang out next week. OMG, we should go to that together. Aaaaaaaand, right, it never happens. I know, I know, people might mean it when they say it but later they simply change their mind for whatever reason but I also know there are people who carelessly say it for the sake of saying it. They will suggest hanging out but never actually make the plan or they accept the invitation to hang out but cancel when the date is close.
If it happens between friends, it’s bad enough but it’s even more annoying when it comes to dating as real feelings are involved and investments of time and effort are made. Everyone wants to know what’s going on! Seriously, it’s really not that hard to be a decent person: Say what you mean and mean what you say. This way, the deals are clear on the table and no one can be blamed for leading people on, causing disappointments or ultimately breaking hearts.
5. Missing in action (or the disappearing act)
This is not uncommon. This usually happens after a few dates or even months of dating. There are several understandable reasons why people do this, for example they don’t know how to break the news that they are no longer interested and M.I.A is easy. Who doesn’t like easy especially when confrontation is potentially full of drama? Surely, no one owes anyone anything, even a closure, because heck, this is 2015, we are all doing casual, sort-of seeing, kind-of talking.
There is no relationship so there is no break-up talk. In fact, any talk would be weird. It’s true but still, again, people deserve to know what’s going on so that they could make decisions for themselves and move on. It might come as a surprise to you but people take it better when you have the decency to meet up with them and openly talk about whatever there is between you two than when you disappear abruptly. The plus point is that, you’re being decent. Your decency might save someone two months of therapy (and yes, please think of the poor friends and family and kind internet people who have to listen to their endless whining, questioning, over-dramatizing as to why you just stop calling, are you dead??)
It’s sad how these days, decency, respect, common courtesy are no longer the basic requirements but more of the surprising factors, the extra points, the desirable qualities. Are we too used to being treated badly that we are starting to think it is the new normal? Or the pool is getting smaller and smaller and we are becoming really desperate that we grab whatever is given to us? Or that we simply suck at setting our own boundaries and sticking to them? I don’t know about you but I know that I would like to be treated with care and respect and I will try my best to treat people that way. Hopefully, by this, the dating world will get better for all the single people out there.