I Will Continue To Love You, Even Though Hope Is Gone

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fsHH

After all this time, my heart still bears your name. Your phantom presence fills my heart though I’ve tried in vain to push my way in. You have marked yourself indelibly in every crevice of my heart. Pain and sadness have not wiped it clean but all the more defines the boundaries of your possession. Though the hurt has progressed from physical pain to an echoing numbness I will still love you. For how can I begin to love another when I can no longer claim my heart as my own?

They say love needs to be reciprocated to grow and I am hoping for this truth. That when my heart realizes that the absence of your touch is permanent, my heart will release you. And in setting you free I will be free as well.

After all this time, your face still haunts my waking hours and my restless dreams. I could swear I see glimpses of you in the streets we used to walk. That our conversations still linger among the trees and stones in the park. That your shadow walks beside mine and I am still holding your hand.

When the sun fades and moon rises I try to sleep, but when I close my eyes, a hundred flashbacks of happy times force me into lying awake. Sleep offers me no rest. For unlike the wistful nostalgia that happens in the day, my dreams remind me of a different story. The coldness of you turning away, unfolding in slow motion. I reach out my trembling hand but I fall short to hold on to fistfuls of forever.

After all this time, I still mourn for myself. For you are here still, here in my heart, on my mind. Like a long drawn out illness I can never recover from. My love for you has consumed everything, and I am afraid I have nothing left to give to another. I cannot even begin to think of someone else.

You’ve made me useless for anyone else. You’ve ruined everyone else for me. And you’re not coming back. I cannot go to you. I am stuck between memories on replay and bittersweet hauntings. I have no delusions that you’re suffering the same fate. Facebook reminds that you made a very clean break. While I try to wrap the jagged edges of my heart together.

After all this time, regardless of the lies I’ve told others and yes, even myself. I am certain of the truth; I don’t stand a chance of forgetting you. Though you’ve given me enough pain to hate you. But it seems like I only have the strength to love you. My heart has such a cruel sense of humor, that it could not convert my strong affections to despise you even after suffering from your abandonment. Because you might consider me as just a chapter in your life, but I have volumes of you in mine.

Even if you’ve turned away from me. Even when you’ve forgotten the sound of my name on your lips. Even as now oceans separate us, and my heart can no longer come home to yours, my love remains. It doesn’t change though your smiles will warm someone else’s face, though your voice will soothe another’s hurt, and though in the future your promise of forever will not be mine to cherish.

I will love you fiercely still, for you’re all my heart knows. TC mark

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