This is not how life was supposed to turn out. This was not part of my plan. When we are children we look at the future with big eyes and lofty goals of changing the world, being superheroes, righting wrongs. I was going to be an Anthropologist studying native peoples along the Amazon River. But as we grow up those lofty goals get toned down just a bit and before we know it we are settling for surviving. I really am not sure how it happened, as I don’t remember deciding to be in this predicament.
I do remember deciding that I needed to be home with my kids and that sacrifice would be for the betterment of my children and their future. Sure I could sacrifice the nicer car or the bigger house. Less vacation? No problem, we can staycation! But it got harder than that. Old cars break down and there are constant repairs. Kids get sick and there are medications to be purchased and doctors bills to pay. Then I start to question my choices. Am I really making the right choice? At what point is the “less is more” idea going too far?
I know I am not alone in this battle. There are single parents asking themselves how they will pay the light bill this month and feed their kids. There are students fighting to finish school while sleeping on a friends couch. We all have our battles. We all have goals we aren’t meeting but hoping that tomorrow will bring a brighter day with one more chance, one more opportunity to prove we are better than the circumstances we have fallen into.
As I sit here watching two of my kids play in the tub I don’t want to give up. I want to find the courage to get out of bed tomorrow and throw everything I have behind one more try. I’m not sure what that try will look like yet, but I have to believe it is there. To all of you struggling, you can do it. We have to.