To The Ones Who Tried To Save Me,
Valiant effort, truly. I cannot help but commend you on your tries, but let me just say this:
I never needed saving.
Some of you were pure in your intentions. You saw me dealing with a breakup from the person I thought was “my person” and you jumped on your trusty steed and galloped to my side, ready to aide in my emotional repair. You were not doing this because you thought I needed you, but rather, that you thought I would play a role in your fairytale.
Two of you, in particular, I knew would marry me if I stayed with you. I could see my life unfolding before me. Two men with stable jobs, future oriented, nice, kind, and so incredibly interested in waiting it out while I sorted through my baggage.
Either of you would have given me anything I asked for-a white picket fence, a big ring, presents for no reason, nice dinners- and I just….couldn’t. It would have been so wonderful to have fallen for either of you, but for whatever reason, “it” just wasn’t there. You will both make someone incredibly happy one day. Thank you for trying to give me what you thought I wanted, but I’m not what you’re looking for.
There were others – a “will they/wont they” from my past, one that reminded me what it felt like to be confident and desired, one that made me feel like I could do no wrong, a couple that were friends seeing if more was there, many first dates who were either wary about my recent break up or eager to have a chance to prove that they were “different” – but the one person who tried to save me in the biggest was possible was the one that gave everyone else a chance to do the same.
To you, I say this:
I never needed saving.
I never needed to be swept up just to be shown that someone will love me. I know someone will love me, I know someones have loved me before. Your swift action, though, had an unintentional side effect; I was saved. I was saved because I learned I can look love in the face, have it leave, and stand taller than I ever stood before.
I was saved because you taught me that nothing is a sure thing, and that regardless of the fact that you were ring shopping just one year before you broke up with me, you simply changed your mind. You painted a picture of the future only to toss it aside. And for that, I thank you. Thank you for setting me free. Thank you for pushing me into a scary and unpaved future so I could learn the best lesson I have ever had to learn:
I am my own hero.
Thank you for showing me how to love, but better yet, thank you for showing me I am capable of moving past a love that wasn’t right for me.
So I suppose this is not a letter to the ones who tried to save me.
This is a letter to the one who tried to save me. Then loved me. Then lost me.
Thank you for losing me.