A recent breakup revealed to me that saying what you want, explaining how you feel is the only way to succeed in a relationship. I will always wish he was able to say these things.
And I reflect on our relationship and cry because I wish you were able to say these things:
1. I can’t tell you how funny it is that your stomach makes noises at night.
Or anything that put us on an even playing field. I wish you were able to relate to me. We had so much potential. All our relationship needed was a depth of similarities. You were never able to relate to me, and that is why we failed.
2. I can’t thank you enough for the things you do for me.
Appreciate the good. Appreciate the bad. Appreciate me. That is all anyone could ask for. That is all I asked for.
3. I am afraid of you.
Show me your vulnerability. I never saw you at your weakest; you never let me see that. I longed for your heart, I longed for your ability to open up to me. We needed that, however I was never able to show you my heart either. I’m sorry I couldn’t, but your callousness as you ended our relationship proved why I was better off not revealing myself to you.
4. I know you deserve someone better than me. But you don’t know it.
Show me the dark places deep inside you. Let our relationship grow. We need the darkness to see the light. I will never fully understand you without seeing this part of you. I should have begged you to reveal this side of you.
5. I will never tell you how I feel.
Tell me, better yet, show me. I loved you with all my heart and I could feel your love for me but I needed to hear it. I’m a product of abandonment, you know that about me. You know I needed to hear the words, and you were able to say them at first, and then it dwindled into nothing.
I am so grateful for having read the original post (linked above). It showed me just how wrong for each other we were. You were never able to reveal yourself to me. You were never going to be able to open up to me. There was always something missing in our love, and now I know that it was depth. We always spoke of our future, but we never reveled in the present. I wish you had said these things to me. I wish you tried harder. I wish for so much to be different, but it isn’t.