To The Boy Who Won’t Love Me Back…

image - Flickr / Franca Gimenez
image – Flickr / Franca Gimenez

I love texting you stupid jokes, and I love making you laugh. I love hearing about your problems, and telling you all of mine, and I love the way I can just be myself around you. I love how honest you always try to be, and I love that you grapple with being a good person all the time. I love that you have a silly side, and I love how incredibly intelligent you are. I love that you’ve been such an amazing friend to me. I love you, every little piece of you. And I’m so sorry about that.

I didn’t mean to fall for you as hard as I have. It happened accidentally one afternoon, when I looked over and saw you laughing at something some guy in some movie did. After that moment, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. The idea of hanging out with you always made me smile, and getting a text from you made my day. I slowly went from thinking of you as a great friend, to thinking of you as someone that I felt a lot more emotions for. And, Boy Who Doesn’t Love Me Back, I’m so sorry that this happened.

I understand that you don’t feel the same way about me, and please believe me when I say my feelings are not hurt over it. The truth is, I never really expected you to fall for me. The thing is, I can’t turn off these feelings I have for you, and it’s slowly killing me. I just want to be your friend again, and to have this weirdness between us disappear. I miss my friend, Boy Who Doesn’t Love Me Back. It hurts more that I’ve lost a friend, than it does to know you don’t love me back.

This whole mess isn’t your fault, and it’s not really mine either. But there’s nothing to do about it, which is painful for me, and probably awkward for you, and for that I’m very sorry. I can’t wait until I get over you, although I’m not sure that’ll ever really happen. Even though you will never love me the way I would like, it means so much to me that you haven’t abandoned me completely. I really appreciate that we can still have those rare moments of connection that remind me why we work as friends, why I love being a friend to you.

Even though I’m trying to fall out of love with you, I still care about you a great deal. I want you to be happy, and if that means you falling for someone else, if she can make you happy, then I want that for you. I know it’s going to hurt me so much, but Boy Who Doesn’t Love Me Back, if that’s the price of seeing you smile, I’m willing to do it.

I know eventually we’re both going to move on with our lives, and that in twenty years my husband will meet you, and I will meet your wife, and we’ll tell each of them stories together of the good times we had. But until then, I’m just going to keep trying to forget how I feel about you, even though it probably won’t work. I want you to know that I don’t hold it against you at all, this pain I’m feeling, it’s not your fault. I wish I could hate you for it, but I don’t. Not even a little bit. Not even at all. TC mark

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