I’m the one. The one you use, the one you recycle, the one keep on the back burner. I’m the one who will always be in the back of your mind. I’m the one that occupies that last thought before you fall asleep. I’m the one who will meet you in the hidden depths of your sweetest dreams turned nightmare when you awake to the ache of missing me.
You take me for granted when you have me, and miss you me when I’m gone. You come back for more between each failed attempt at moving on. You say you’re ready for something real this time. Things will be different this time. You swear you’re going to do what it takes to show me that I’m loved. Lord knows you say it all the time, but we all know actions speak much louder than words. So despite your unusual work schedule, all those weekends you had off, being the bar star trumped the boyfriend every time.
I hope one day you realize that all of those clothes, and that house, and the latest gadgets you always seem to be buying are meaningless. They are material possessions; they cannot fill that void inside you. Distractions can only temporarily bring you solace. Sex and alcohol may numb that pain for a moment, but they will inevitably bring you right back to the demons that haunt you. The longer you choose to drown yourself in distractions, the more you will hurt not only those around you, but also yourself.
I always chose to see the best in you. I always knew that beneath your nonchalant, carefree shell, there was something real, it just took me a while to realize what it was, a void. I longed to be the one who could help you fill that void, but I could not possibly fill a void that was all your own.
It took years of being your safety net, and fall back, to realize that I was the one you weren’t quite ready for. I couldn’t help you fill that empty space inside you any better than any of the other girls could.
In the end loving you meant letting you go so that you could learn how to love yourself.