I finally let go, of everything. I let go of old ex lovers, I let go of the people who had done me wrong, I forgave myself for all the things I had done wrong to others and most important of all, I let go of the picture in my head of how my life should be. It was as if I’d been living in the winter of my life and the seasons were finally changing.
My whole life has been calculated, one detailed plan after another. Never completely abandoning one plan unless another new plan was fully formulated. Plans have always been my safety net, carrying me through the assembly line of society. And for 22 years that’s been my existence. Slowly traveling along the assembly line being molded and stamped with societal seals of approval; drivers license, high school diploma, college degree.
The truth is that the superficial rites of passage, pats on the back, over priced pieces of paper, and climbing corporate ladders to nowhere until I’m dead never fully satisfied me. I’ve always had a deep desire for something more. What happens if we hop off the assembly line? Refuse to conform. Experience life on our own terms. Letting go is the only way to find out.
Letting go is a process, a very difficult one at that. From the time we are born we are surrounded by messages both explicit and subliminal, all telling us what we should and should not be doing, what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. For most members of society, these are the only ideals we ever know, and we become complacent, finding contentment in monotony.
For a select few, monotony becomes so overwhelmingly sickening that we begin to awaken from our society induced coma. First it happens slowly and then all at once. It takes a level of awareness and understanding, small revelations if you will, to realize that there is something more to be experienced than the same tedious routine day after day. For me, it was the people, the professors, and the discussions experienced at my university.
Simply realizing this usually isn’t enough though, to make us let go and leave our safety net behind. We usually need some event to act as a catalyst and set our new course in motion. These catalytic events are usually blessings in disguise, and often involve loss or failure. There is something about loss and failure that shake us to our core and helps wake us up and let go.
After we grieve and come to terms with this loss or failure we can truly begin to forge our own way in this world. We can live moment to moment, instead of day to day. Only when we truly let go can we stop living a life of what ifs and begin to turn the life of our dreams into our reality.