4 Of The Best Lessons We Learn From Being With The Worst Guys
By Elle Bigel
Well as it turns out those guys who are the absolute worst, the ones who make a sport out of breaking our hearts actually teach us some of the best lessons. Somewhere in the midst of all the games and heartbreak, we become stronger and wiser in ways we never even realized at the time, hindsight really is 20/20.
1. It’s Not You, It’s Him
This sounds like a cliché line your BFF throws you when you’re feeling down, but it actually holds a lot of truth. When he stands you up, or cheats on you or says “If you would just quite being so negative all the time (aka trying to resolve conflicts), then we could be happy”, all those things say a whole lot more about him than they do about you.
When people cheat it’s not because the person they’re in a relationship with did something wrong, it’s because they, the cheater, has something going on internally. And if the guy is telling you that you need to change in any way (the worst guys will often throw out the infamous I like you but… lines) to make the two of you happy, he’s sadly mistaken.
He’s the kind of guy who clearly can’t find his own happiness and honey nothing you do is going to help him find it either, happiness and contentment are a self-journey.
2. How To Love Being Alone
The worst guys have a way of manipulating your mind with a series of sweet nothings. They make you start to believe that you need them, that you are lucky to have them in your life despite all the cancelled plans, and although being at the bottom of his priority list really sucks for a while, you eventually learn to love and value alone time as a result.
Although he didn’t want to make plans with you, he certainly wanted to know exactly what you were doing, where and with you (and that is not only exhausting, it’s annoying having to answer to someone).
Finally you come to the realization, whether it’s binging on Netflix (on a show he refused to watch with you no matter how many sports games you suffered through without complaint for him), treating yourself to a grande latte with whip (because life’s too short not to enjoy empty calories of deliciousness on your latte), or indulging in the ultimate self experience of going to the movies alone (It really is an experience unlike any other, if you haven’t done this before do yourself a favor and go), that you really are your own best company.
There’s something so freeing about not having to answer to anyone, being able to do what you want, when you want without consulting another person’s schedule (which is really what he’s been doing to you all along while trying to pass it off as a relationship). You start to realize in being with one of the worst guys just how nice it is to just be with you, because you’re pretty great.
3. Self Respect
Refer back to #2 for more on the development of this self-respect. All of us start out with some level of self-respect, but often times the worst guys will degrade us (because they really are the worst) before we learn to respect ourselves fully. Usually this journey to a higher level of self-respect occurs through several ups and downs because guys who are the worst bring out the worst in others before you can find and bring out the good in yourself.
4. You Hold More Cards Than You Think You Do
We all learned this little nugget of wisdom vicariously through Elle Woods, probably long before we experienced it first hand. This one is the holy grail of all lessons that the worst guys teach us. We have the power ladies. We determine how he can treat us every time we let him walk back into our life and all over us.
Newsflash, that also means we have the power TO WALK AWAY. Believe me I let one of the worst guys play games with my heart for 3 years so I know it’s much easier said than done. But just remember when he leaves your heart in a million pieces for the fifth time; you don’t have to let it happen a sixth time.
After all, even if a guy who is the absolute worst finally turns himself around, he won’t be any better for you if he’s already treated you poorly. So instead of sitting, wishing, and wasting time on one of the worst guys, take your newfound bits of wisdom, put on your power outfit, and walk alone with confidence for a while.