1. You have, completely unironically, yelled at people to not touch their brunch plates so you can take an overhead photo of the spread.
2. …And have moved random candles and cups of water to get that #perfect vibe.
3. You have a number of auxiliary apps on your phone to adjust tone, contrast, saturation, and reframe photos that simply cannot be confined to a square.
4. You get mildly anxious if a post doesn’t garner more than 11 likes within a certain timespan.
5. If someone posts a photo of themselves in a cute outfit or at some place you’d like to try and doesn’t tag the brand or location, you will sleuth out the information yourself, or you will die trying.
6. You have, on more than a few occasions, seen something really pretty and thought to yourself: “this is totally Instagrammable.”
7. You have very strong opinions on photos of sunsets, #people #who #hashtag #everything, and subpar filters like Toaster.
8. And you fear the day when you have a good photo, but no good caption to go with it.
9. You have imposed a personal limit on your ratio of selfies to other photos, and secretly judge other people accordingly. What is this, Snapchat?!
10. You stare at your own feed more frequently than you’d ever like to admit to people.
11. And decide what photos you’re going to take next to balance out the color scheme.
12. You’ve considered paying for a new phone before your upgrade solely because of the camera quality.
13. You’re morally opposed to blurry pictures, but struggle when you take pictures of your handwritten to-do lists and don’t want people to see anything not on-brand.
14. The highest form of flattery you can bestow upon someone is: “your Instagram game is on the next level.”
15. You’ve specifically chosen shoes just for the sake of taking a sidewalk pic.
16. Same goes for your weekly flower selection. (In fact, you started buying flowers for yourself just so you could get in on that #peonies game.)
17. You know that there is no FOMO like seeing a great party happening somewhere else in real time — and you have half a mind to text the poster and ask why you weren’t invited.
18. You’ve referred to an Instagram you took in real-live conversation and been slightly miffed when a friend doesn’t know what you’re talking about. (Why are they your friend if not to keep fully abreast with every last photo you upload?)
19. You have to spend a few solid minutes a day going through your own friends’ timelines to make sure you didn’t miss anything A) important or B) really, really, really aesthetically appeasing. (You then refer to these photos in person when you see them, because of course you do.)
20. You have been known to ask people to take photos of you if your outfit is particularly on point that day or you’re doing something really fun, and a selfie simply will not cut it.
21. You read this piece on how Instagram mimics the history of art and for a brief, shining moment, thought, “HA! VINDICATION!”
22. You might or might not have your wedding hashtag picked out already. (Yes, even if you’re single.)
23. And though you know deep down that this is probably the least of contributions to society you could ever impart upon the world, nobody can say you don’t know your way around rearranging a tablescape to be some Pinterest-worthy eye candy, amen.