1. Saying no to plans, because you really don’t want to hurt your friends’ feelings, but like, that’s their thing and you know you won’t have as much fun as they think you will.
2. (Or especially when they’re last-minute plans, and it’s too late or you’re too tired or too busy. For some reason, the minute it’s actually justifiable to bail means you feel all the more guilty.)
3. Siding with anyone if you care about both parties in the disagreement. Whether or not they’re clearly right or wrong is moot; you just don’t want anyone to get mad at you, so you always wind up being the mediator who sees both sides.
4. Making anyone angry at all, ever, so you just go along with whatever plans they foist on you and say “Yup,” and “Uh huh,” and “Okay,” and “Yes, everything’s fine” and just generally implode in on your own emotions and yourself.
5. Having to choose between two people when they both want to hang out on the same day, so you either double-book and effectively exhaust yourself, or you bring them together and chances are good they end up passive aggressively just not getting along because they wanted to hang out with you, not you and a posse.
6. Being really, really deferential to all higher ups, to the point where you talk yourself in circles and agree with them rather than initiate some change in the system as you initially planned when you psyched yourself up to book that meeting.
7. Settling for subpar food or something you didn’t order because your greatest life fear is getting someone to spit in your food in that back kitchen.
8. And always feeling guilty for not blindly trusting the barista when you double-check if something was nonfat or soy or sugar-free.
9. “No, of course, you can change the TV station, I don’t mind, I really didn’t want to watch the season finale of Scandal. REALLY, IT’S FINE! :) :)” [cries into popcorn and wine]
10. Giving directions to a cab driver who is very clearly trying to take your wallet for a joyride but he is the one steering this deathtrap on wheels and what if he starts giving you hell for back-seat driving so yes, sure, take the highway during rush hour, I have no choice but to trust you, sir.
11. Finding a way to return a gift somebody got you for your birthday or the holidays that no one in their right mind would ever use, but you don’t want to hurt their feelings. You will invariably wind up trying to talk yourself into finding a place for it in your home or making a pact to never invite them over ever again.
12. Running into your ex at all, ever, anywhere in this world, so you basically annex any place the two of you so much as walked past together, trade in the phone that stored their number, and join the Witness Protection program as the much flossier version of you on the off chance they see you walking down the street.
13. Correcting the salesgirl when she rings up the wrong price of a sale item, because you deeply don’t want to look like a stingy old Scrooge, and it’s probably something in the computer and not her fault, but like… that’s your money so you have a right to say something? Right?
14. Making a joke that even one other person could consider to be slightly un-PC, so you sadly let it die, or text it to your friend as the Tweet That Ne’er Could Be Tweeted, may its incisive humor rest in peace.
15. Letting anyone know when they’ve given wrong factual information or have misspelled or mispronounced anything, because you sincerely don’t want to be that asshole but they do have a right to know when they sound like an idiot, don’t they?
16. Whenever the takeout delivery man openly disputes his tip. Because. He. Knows. Where. You. Live.