1. “We lied. There’s no one ‘bikini body.’ The one you have right now works just fine” — an open letter from every fashion magazine.
2. “No, you’re totally right. I’m going to take your advice and not call him anymore,” says the friend who then, miraculously…. actually never calls him ever again.
3. “Here, I’m happy to share my plate with you, so steal as many french fries as you want!”
4. “I figured it would be cold in the theater so I brought your jacket for you.”
5. “Did you see those new healthy tacos that scientists finally invented? They ACTUALLY taste better than the deep fried tacos.”
6. “You. Look. Amazing.” (Especially when they happen to say it to you when you’re wearing your favorite article of clothing. True, you look amazing because you also look confident, but hey, everyone needs a boost here and there.)
7. “Scientists prove in groundbreaking study that no, actually, calories are not absorbed by the body when soldering through PMS.”
8. “Hey, let’s go eat at [Exact Restaurant You Didn’t Even Know You Were Craving]!”
9. “Hey, I ran into all of your exes and they said all they do is cry all day knowing they blew their chance with you.”
10. “You know, you have the same [Feature You’re Really Proud Of] as [Celebrity You Think Is Absolutely Gorgeous].”
11. “Hey, avocados were 4 for a dollar at the store today. Bought you 12.”
12. When you cut, color, or otherwise change your hair and don’t even have to say anything for people to pick up on the difference and commence gushing completely unprompted.
13. “Nah, let’s skip yoga today and just eat cheeseburgers.”
14. “You’re the best aunt/mom/sister ever!” (It doesn’t matter if the child is 6 and is just saying this to get something out of you. It still counts.)
15. “Hey, I have a free ticket to Beyoncé if you want it!”
16. “I brought pizza!”
17. “How was your day?” Add about a thousand points if they actually, y’know, mean it and want to hear about your day.
18. “Kale is actually banned now. Turns out it’s as bad for you as it tastes.”
19. “You know that celebrity you’re obsessed with? They broke up with their significant other and are actually going to be in your city tonight and followed you on Twitter and…”
20. “Yes, actually, I do have an extra tampon!”
21. “I have a pair of Louboutins I don’t really wear anymore if you want them…”
22. “Try this new nail polish. It doesn’t chip for a whole entire month!”
23. “Take 50% off the sale price.”