1. That “oh my god!” moment of recognition at the 2:30 mark? Yeah, you know that feeling and you know it well. Reminisce back to your glory days in the high school gym where, during dances, you’d raise your hands up in the air and squeal, This is my sonnnnngggggg!!
2. Try to stop yourself from singing and shimmying along at your cubicle desk. Fail spectacularly when it comes to the lyrics about your anaconda not wanting none (whether or not you have an anaconda.)
3. Google what Jane Fonda is doing with her life.
4. Make a mental note to seek out a Jane Fonda workout tape, and focus especially on your side bends and sit ups.
5. Make a mental note to eat red beans and rice later today.
6. Make a mental note to do your squats later.
7. Wonder exactly why it is some of these ladies are dressed so casually for an orchestral performance. Like, isn’t an orchestra a fancy thing? Can you really wear workout clothes to see a symphony? Is my one last excuse officially shot through?!?
8. Debate forwarding this video to every last coworker, because despite the lyrics and the booty popping, the song is 22 years old and so that makes it practically vintage and therefore, HR would have zero problem with it… right?
9. Wait. How is this song 22 years old?!
10. On that note, since when is the Charlie’s Angels movie 14 years old?!?!? Subsequently wallow in the antiquity of cultural touchstones and how everything you love eventually dies.
11. Live vicariously through the brave, brave soul who decided to grind up on Sir Mix-a-Lot himself.
12. Make a ‘Baby Got Bach’ joke to a friend, and try to pass it off as if it’s your own. (It’s not even my own joke. We’re all liars here.)
13. Look into seeing if Sir Mix-a-Lot could possibly be upgraded to Lord Mix-A-Lot because if you’re a cultural bastion of this caliber, I mean, you should be allowed to. (And if Lord Disick could do it…)
14. Continue your Seattle Gone Classical viewing pleasure with this ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit‘ performance. Hope that Kurt (rest his soul) would be okay with it. Know in your heart of hearts that Courtney might find some grievance with it.
15. Get lost in the national treasure that is Courtney Love-Cobain’s Twitter feed for the next 17 minutes.
16. Ignore the disquieting feeling that loving this song makes you something of a hypocrite in the terms of all things feminism and body equality.
17. Remember that Jason Derulo’s ‘Wiggle‘ is a mere facsimile of this storied classic. Become your mother for a moment and wonder what happened to the good old days of music.
18. Spend the rest of your day asking yourself W-W-the woman in the black dress-D? Because today? She is all of us.