1. You have two or more horoscope apps on your phone, which you A) check as part of your morning ritual; B) have a personal favorite you trust more than the others; and C) might or might not pay an actual subscription in order to get the “long-read” version.
2. You have, in all seriousness, uttered the phrase “Mercury’s retrograde” to explain a bit of bad luck.
3. You actually know why Mercury being in retrograde is unfavorable.
4. You like celebrities that much more when you learn that they share your star sign.
5. Somebody asking you what your sign is isn’t a cheesy pickup line — it’s a practical basis to determine practicality. (Okay, it’s kind of cheesy. But you still believe in it.)
6. You have gotten, or are seriously considering getting a tattoo of your zodiac sign.
7. You regularly read pieces and marvel about how right the analysis is about you. (And it almost always is.)
8. … To the point where you’re not sure if this is coincidence, fate, or that you were subconsciously moving yourself to mirror what your zodiac predicted for you.
9. You have put off signing a contract or going on a trip because your horoscope told you not to.
10. The beginning of every week and every month might seem daunting to some, but it’s exciting to you — you get new horoscopes to pore over!
11. You regularly dissect every last nuance of what the stars have in store for you with one or two friends who are equally as obsessed.
12. You have paid actual, physical money to get personalized readings every now and again.
13. Susan Miller is a very important person in your life. (Her 7 sick days at the beginning of May threw you for a huge loop. If you didn’t have your horoscope, did the month actually start?!)
12. Songs that mention your star sign get played an average of 15.6% more times than every other song. It’s not enough to put them in your top 10, but you’re still going to find them endearing.
13. You have zodiac-themed jewelry, most notably in the form of a cute lil’ pendant proclaiming your star sign for anyone who gets close enough.
14. You never make an important decision without first consulting your chart.
15. You know which signs were rising when you were born, what the 12 houses are, what your moon and sun signs are, and everything in between.
16. You live in fear of eclipses.
17. Your relationship is actually a three-way thing: between you, your significant other of the moment, and whatever your favored astrologist is telling you to do on certain days of the month. (And you might or might not have checked your compatibility before you let things get too serious.)
18. On more than one occasion, you’ve used: “yeah, well, I’m a ______” as an excuse for something you’ve done.
19. You don’t totally understand a lot of the crosses and squares and planetary tangoes (or maybe you do, I don’t know your astro-life) but what you do know, regardless, is that shit gets #real and your sign description can sum you up better than you can.
20. When someone does something so quintessential to their sign, you say (or at least think): “such a _____ to do.”
21. You have consulted arbitrary charts, like what Aries should wear on date nights or how Scorpios should work out or what kind of foods a Taurus can eat — even though you know the stars have much bigger things to deal with than your shoes, but hey, a little extra guidance every now and then doesn’t hurt.