1. You set up a plan of attack. Okay, first we’re going to hit Zara, and then we’re going to go to H&M, which is right next to the Starbucks, then we can go to Forever 21 and each tackle the different style sections and…
2. You know wearing heels shopping is an effort in futility. Sure, you’ll look chic, but the law of womanhood is, and always will be, ballet flats with a reinforced arch. Stray and you will suffer the consequences.
3. Exception: on-trend sneakers.
4. Better exception: wear workout clothes from head-to-toe, because if it looks like you’re leisurely going to yoga or the gym later, you don’t have to tell anyone they’re wrong.
5. You have actually cancelled plans when you found out a certain sale was at a certain store.
6. Restaurants for brunch or lunch are only ever considered in proximity to how many stores are in the general area.
7. You check out the “just in” offerings on the websites before you hit the mall so as to maximize the time you spend in each store for which items.
8. You’ve mastered the art of shopping on your lunch break — whether that’s a 30 minute break, an hour-long adventure, or even 15 glorious minutes of freedom from your own hourly job.
9. Store associates call you personally whenever anything they think you’d like has come in, or has gone on sale.
10. You know your favorite associate’s names and schedules, and make a point to shop when they’re on shift.
11. You have the opening and closing hours of your favorite stores and locations memorized by heart.
12. You understand the convenience of online shopping — really, you do — but there’s just something so wonderful and instantly gratifying in going out and procuring the object of your dreams right in that moment.
13. You might or might not have shoved somebody over in the mania of a sample sale.
14. You know how to get to each section of a store by heart, and have given directions to poor, lost souls like some kind of shopping guardian angel.
15. Your grasp and understanding of the disparity in sizes from store to store is unparalleled.
16. In the off chance you’ve accidentally left your credit card at home, you have memorized the number, PIN, and expiration date.
17. The smell of a Cinnabon or Panda Express elicits a very strange, Pavlovian urge to reach toward your wallet, whether or not you’re anywhere near a store.
18. You’ve made sure to use a messenger bag or equally small purse with a shoulder strap so as to maximize bag-carrying.
19. You have return policies and fine print for certain stores memorized.
20. You’ve A/B tested what kind of service you receive in each store depending on how you’re dressed, what time of day it is, and if you’re alone or with friends.
21. You know there is a very fine line between liking to shop and being too materialistic for your own good, and that money can’t buy happiness — but you can still snag a few really good deals in the meantime.