1. Doing your nails during your prime-time TV session — chalking one up for multitasking! — only to realize the next morning that your polish wasn’t quite dry yet so your sheets left little wrinkle lines all over your manicure.
2. Chancing that one minuscule hole in your tights that turns into an epic run halfway through a job interview.
3. Trying to shimmy sheer tights back up after wearing them once without ripping them or further ruining what little elasticity there was.
4. You know what? Just tights in general.
5. VPL. Nothing triumphs the struggle.
6. … Except for maybe picking your underwear wedgie.
7. That feeling of self-entitlement because you wore a pair of Spanx for 8 hours and therefore deserve a big ol’ cookie as your reward. (Nevermind the fact that a big ol’ cookie was why you bought the Spanx in the first place.)
8. The pants dance ritual in which you shake and boogie your skinnies onto all the right spots on your body.
9. And I quote from a timeless masterpiece:
Cher Horowitz: Lucy! Lucy! Where’s my white collarless shirt from Fred Segal? Lucy, where’s my shirt?
Lucy: Probably at the cleaners’.
Cher: But today’s the driving test. It’s my most capable looking outfit!
Replace “driving test” with virtually any other high-stake situation and “Lucy” with your roommate (or your cat), and yeah, we’ve all been there.
10. The epic risk that is wearing white pants. It’s like the universe will tap in and send something for you to sit in.
12. Finding something really cute on sale, and in ev.er.y size except yours.
13. Whenever a salesperson says, “Really? You don’t look like a size ____”, you wonder if that was the ultimate complisult.
14. Looking back on photos from the night before to find that your bra totally showed through your shirt.
15. Looking back on photos from the night before only to find that your outfit was not at all as flattering as it looked at home in the mirror you angled just so.
16. Phantom hairs lingering somewhere between your bra line and your lower back, a.k.a, the exact place you can’t reach discreetly.
17. Needing to adjust your boobs in such a manner that requires you placing your hand all the way down inside of your bra.
18. The piece of clothing you absolutely adore but that does not fit one little part of your body, therefore leaving you to nitpick over a figure that really is just fine and does not deserve to be torn apart to begin with.
19. Walking in heels and feeling like people can hear you coming from three miles away, therefore trying to tiptoe and also not look like a baby zebra all at the same time.
20. Ordering the most perfect outfit online, waiting all week for it to be delivered, coordinating with your downstairs neighbor to intercept UPS, and ripping open the packaging like it’s the second coming of Christmas — only to find that the jewelry is crappy quality, the fabric looks cheap, and something doesn’t fit. (Cue either three weeks to send it back, scrambling to find something that will work just as well for that cocktail function you have to attend the following night, and all but begging the store associate to take back something they “only sell online.” Wait. There will be begging. You’ll beg.)