1. You share a drawer that is stocked with essentials.
Somewhere in the space you call an office — either your desk or behind their computer, or split between the two like a covert smuggling ring — the both of you have hidden a stash of the essential snacks, sweaters, hair products, and personal items one might need through the course of any given work day. You take turns replenishing this drawer as needed, and split the drug store receipt for all the big purchases.
2. Your Gchat is permanently set to the “off the record” function.
This would be all well and good, especially since HR really does not need to see what you’re talking about re: Todd in accounting’s butt in Nantucket reds, but every so often, you’ll find yourself in a state of minor despair when you need to go back and double-check something that was actually work-related. Moreover, any giggling heard from their cubicle will have a corresponding giggle from YOUR cubicle (and usually a Gchat ping to match).
3. Your text messages usually read the same from day to day.
“Running late, grab my coffee? I’ll get lunch!” is typically your good morning! and “Already got coffee, told boss you have a doctor’s appt” is code for covering for you, but you have like 20 min so you better get your hungover ass in here ASAP.
4. Any time you’re assigned to a work project, you silently hope that you’ll somehow be assigned to work with them.
It’s like high school never ended, and you’re crouching down in your desk, trying to play Jedi mind tricks that yes, actually, this time you promise to do the work together and won’t get too off topic and you’ll turn the report in on time and it’ll be great but please just give the two of you a chance. Besides, any projects you already are working on get vetted and fielded through them to begin with, so why not just make it official?
5. … And even when you aren’t assigned to work together, you make projects joint regardless.
Really, it doesn’t matter what you’re doing, you’re always looking for a second set of eyes, another opinion you value as much as your own, and someone to explain things to you when you’re afraid to ask your boss. You know that no matter what the day or project, you’re in it together — so much so that you could probably combine your job titles by now. (Consolidating the work and only having one of you as an employee would also prove fruitless, as one would do an okay job without the other, but together? Together, my friend, you are corporate rock stars.)
6. Any and all ideas you want to run by your boss, you run by them first.
Such brainstorming includes test runs and dress rehearsals the night before in one of your apartments, in which they coach you on the perfect thing to say, and how to say it perfectly. The two of you will cobble together flawless responses to any anticipated objections, and when it comes time to nail your presentation, your victory is your best friend’s victory.
7. If you’re hungover, they’re hungover.
And everyone at the office knows the two of you are simultaneously struggling. And that you did each other in. This is both of your faults.
Also see: being sick at the same time, having PMS collectively, and gaining about five pounds together because neither of you can say no to Chipotle Tuesday… and Chipotle Thursday. And Chipotle Friday.
8. If you wake up very far from your own home, you text them to bring a change of clothes.
They will do this without judgment, or, at the very least, they can cover for you while you make a beeline to Target or the one Forever 21 in the city that opens early enough just for this exact reason. (They will also remind you to stash a change of clothes in the Essentials Drawer, but you really can’t be bothered to listen to this logic, and really, if they can’t help you out in such emergencies, then what’s the point of working with them?)
9.They’re CONSTANTLY chatting up your office crush for you.
They’re the one who called you out for ogling Todd in accounting’s Nantucket reds in the first place; they warn you when HR begins to sniff out your puppy dog eyes; they’re the one who texts you ETAs when he’s headed toward your cubicle; and they’re the one reminding him how great you are at key chatting moments by the copier, fridge, and elevator, because what else are best friends for?
10. You sometimes cross the line of “professional appropriate.” And by “sometimes,” I mean, every Friday night.
Look, we all know how it goes. A few drinks and you’re spilling secrets. A few hours later someone probably sees someone else without some article of clothing on, and somewhere in the back of your mind you know this probably frowned upon but you’re proceeding regardless. And somewhere in this world, a HR representative feels their Spidey Sense tingle because they know something very wrong is happening, and it’s probably thanks to the two of you, but they are powerless to stop it.
11. You have someone to calm all of your irrational work-related fears.
If the boss calls you up for a meeting, for lunch, for ANYTHING — they are the one who you run to first because you just know that this is it, you’re going to get fired for saying hi to his daughter the wrong way holy crap no what are you gonna do for a job holy crap you’re done for… and it is your best friend’s job to remind you that you are A) overreacting, and B) not getting fired any time soon. Really.
12. And to complain to about that one person you can’t deal with.
You also share a nickname for Stacy who sits three cu… I mean. Steve.
13. You have a set schedule for lunch with which none shall interfere.
If they picked food on Monday, you pick on Tuesday. If they saw something really great at the bodega, they’ll bring you a second, and if you baked cookies the night before, they’re having cookies with their afternoon coffee, too.
14. If you find out they’re thinking about taking a different job, you can’t help but feel a little betrayed.
I mean, you’re happy for them, really, and they deserve the pay raise and the better title. You want to see them shoot for the stars, and in your heart of hearts, you know they’re always a Gchat away, but WHO ARE YOU GOING TO RUN TO WHEN STEVE IS MAKING YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL?!
15. And through it all, you wind up seeing them more than you see your parents, your roommate, and your significant other combined.
You work together. You skip the gym together. You blow off steam on Friday together. You brunch together on Saturday to cure Friday night’s HR-revenge hangover. You plan your office Halloween costumes together. Should you have a little distance? Hell no. They’re the best job perk of all time.