1. Though you may handle phone calls and “talk” in an online company chat room, you can go a full day without actually speaking to anyone in person, and will subsequently jump on your roommate or significant other when they come home like a rabid reporter who needs to discuss evvvverything all at once.
2. You begin to gauge the success of your day as to whether or not you put on pants, and if so, if you put them on before or after noon.
3. You know you’re saving money by not going out to lunch every day, yet you find yourself eating snacks at the most random times of the day because if it’s in your fridge, it’s yours…
4. … to the point where you realize you have nothing to eat for dinner and have to order from Seamless anyway.
5. There is a section of your house you relegate to work and work alone. If you don’t honor this divide, you suddenly find yourself working on all projects at all hours.
6. You become a master at willpower and forcing yourself to be productive. Yeah, the stakes may be high—your job is on the line, after all—but still, forcing yourself to work when there are so many Netflix marathons to watch is impressive.
7. Still, sometimes you realize you’re being too productive, and taking on more work, talking more in the office chat, and working longer hours as if to make up for the fact that nobody is seeing your face on the daily.
8. You begin to put a premium on the simple act of going outside. Days when you don’t leave your apartment are bleak, and you find yourself clawing at the windows and leaping at any opportunity to go outside. Taking out the trash? Picking up that ingredient you forgot? You’ll even order take out over delivery. Is this how a dog feels when it’s time to go for a walk?
9. Though it’s not technically working “from home,” you have a very detailed list of which coffee shops have the best WiFi, which ones will let you sit for hours on end with only one purchase, which ones have the best muffins, and who you can ask to watch your stuff when you need to go to the bathroom.
10. You know that the very minute you leave your house to run any errand is the exact moment when UPS will try to deliver a package.
11. Instead of taking lunch breaks (because again, you’re never not snacking) you wind up being THAT PERSON who works out in the middle of the day. You’re still not sure how you feel about being THAT PERSON, either.
12. You live with the constant fear that today might be the day when you’re supposed to be in the office but you’ve forgotten.
13. Your desk looks like a cubicle gone rogue. It is a veritable war zone of projects, print outs, there’s the plastic bag your lunch was delivered in on the floor somewhere next to about seven pairs of shoes, and you’re pretty sure that if you cleaned it, you’d find approximately 25,734 pens all over the place.
14. You are the only one of your friends with a printer in their home.
15. Your friends (especially the ones who don’t work 9-5) will call and ask you to hang out because something in the concept of working from home doesn’t translate. Sometimes you can make your own hours, but for the most part, you have to be available when everyone else is.
16. On a related note, you’re convinced Apple developed the “Do Not Disturb” feature on your phone expressly for you.
17. Most people dream of a yearly bonus; you’d just be stoked if your boss bought you a new computer.
18. You constantly forget when you need to get more gas in your car or reload your subway card because you never need to commute.
19. You have scheduled every day in a way that would make a German train look inconsistent, lest you look at the clock at 3pm and realize you’ve gotten absolutely nothing done.
20. The joy of being able to work from your bed has long since worn off after one too many mid-meeting naps and the kind of crippling back pain you only get from propping your body up for hours at a time.
21. You absolutely, completely refuse to have your work email on your phone. You need your boundaries, after all.
22. When you do go out for lunch, you become so giddy on the prospect of freedom that you end up being the person who takes a 3 hour lunch.
23. You’ve seriously considered getting a land line.
24. You refuse to admit how many work projects and reports have been compiled to the soundtrack of mid-90’s pop music, and you have died of mortal embarrassment every time somebody calls you out for forgetting to turn on “private session.”
25. Your coffee consumption is shameful at best and bordering on a certifiable drug habit at worst.
26. You have genuinely forgotten what day of the week it is more often than you would like to admit.
27. The concept of a staycation is death to you.