6 Fictional Females We Can Stop Emulating

Entertainment is a means of escaping our own reality, whether we hide away in a dark theater or behind a good book. In that, however, it’s natural that we’d come across a character or two whose life we would trade our own for in a heartbeat, a character who speaks to us on a level of artist and muse. These characters embody everything we only dream about, yet they tread a dangerous line. Should fiction remain just that, or are we allowed to ask ourselves W-W-J-D at every turn? Better yet, can we ask W-W-C-B-D instead? Here, a list of six pop culture icons we might as well give up ever trying to become.

1. Carrie Bradshaw

Carrie is the archetype for the “come on already!” crowd to rally against copying because her situation is just improbable. New York City writers — or most nearly any writer for that matter — would not be able to afford all those shoes and that apartment, regardless as to whether she signed a fixed rent lease a trillion years ago. The building would have tried to buy her out to a tune much larger than her column. But even if it’s not the shoes and the Dior baguettes and the nameplate necklace girls are molding their lives after, it’s the endless yearning for Love and The One in New York, and let me tell you, that doesn’t happen. Call me cynical and bitter and jaded, but love is really hard to find in Manhattan, and it especially doesn’t happen if you’re a writer who’s famous for blasting her trysts in, let’s say, a popular weekly column. Hell, it barely happens if you’re known as the type to blast your business all over Facebook or at brunch the next morning.

2. Clementine Kruczynski

I should start this one by stating that I saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind when I was fourteen years old, and any 14-year-old who claims she understood a Gondry film is probably lying to you. But in the movie, Clementine, a self-professed “f-cked up individual,” does what we all have wished we could do at one point or another: entirely forget the people whom we used to love. As the film progresses, it becomes clear that she’s insecure in her own skin. “I don’t know! I DON’T KNOW! I’m lost! I’m scared! I feel like I’m disappearing! MY SKIN’S COMING OFF! I’M GETTING OLD! Nothing makes any sense to me! NOTHING MAKES ANY SENSE!” she screams at the next guy she’s dating after Joel, and Mama always told you to love yourself before you let anyone else love you, don’t you know? Just because you know you’re a little touched doesn’t suddenly validate all of your actions. You still have to live life just like the rest of us, and yes, that includes going through painful breakups.

3. Holly Golightly

Holly is an escort, and one with a lot of baggage, but then Audrey Hepburn came along and made her the darling of the silver screen. Fun fact: Truman Capote wanted Marilyn Monroe to play Holly, and at the time of filming the movie, Marilyn was a complete wreck. Think Lindsay Lohan circa nine months ago. In the novel, everyone’s favorite runaway Okie is a much more tragic figure, and she seems a hell of a lot less resilient. She and the narrator don’t end up together, either. You know, just in case you were hoping that you, your cat, and your hunky downstairs neighbor would all live happily ever after.

4. Bella Swan

If you ever meet a guy who calls you his own personal brand of heroin, that’s called a codependent relationship. That’s not healthy.

5. Juliet Capulet

Juliet is a 13-year-old kid whose parents are trying to marry her off to some dude Paris Hilton dated, but she goes and becomes infatuated with a kid with a mask and Bieber hair (if you watch the 1968 Franco Zeffirelli movie). The thing is, Romeo’s a flake: he goes from thinking about some girl named Rosaline in the opening scenes, to suddenly thinking about Juliet all the time. In short: he’s thinking with his penis. And, not to get all Literary Lucy on you, but Romeo was modeled as a farce of this guy named Petrarch, who wrote sonnets to a married woman he’d only ever seen in public. That’s right, he was a stalker. So if you’re looking to make it with some guy like that, Taylor Swift, be my guest.

6. Hannah Horvath

This one’s preemptive, but I can see it happening. Forget the girls crying, “That’s my life right now!” Pretty soon, there will be girls who model their lives after Hannah & Co. Everyone will move to Greenpoint — and not be ironic about it — and eat cupcakes naked in the tub while their BFF shaves next to them. You know, on that note, I’m just going to take a cupcake to the gym locker room and see if somebody will have a conversation with me while I chow down by the steam room. TC mark

image – VU Connected


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    I was expecting female figures like Mia Wallace, Maron Silver, Margot Tenenbaum etc…

    • http://mason-jar-memories.blogspot.com/ Grace Elizabeth


      I will always want to be Margot.

    • Nishant

      Margot. *drool*

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=192600414 Kylen McCudden

    This is all so true! But I’m not ready to let go of Hannah JUST yet.

  • bee

    i live my life according to elaine benes sayings so..

    • lib

      fuck yes

  • Guest

    Those Manic Pixie Dream Girls

  • http://mclicious.org/ McLicious

    YES. Except I was 15 or 16 when I saw Eternal Sunshine, and I still want to dye my hair blue.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Hannah-Moire/100002582319456 Hannah Moire

      Do it. You won’t regret it.

  • Mila Jaroniec

    Nope. I’ll always be Clementine.

  • J

    You’ve pretty much summed up how I feel about Romeo and Juliet… I swear if another person tells me they find it to be romantic! 

    Taylor Swift also used ” The Scarlet Letter” in her song…. PISSED me off.. considering “The Scarlet Letter” is about adultery and fully exposing this woman’s mistakes to the whole town by branding her with a bright red “A” sewn to her dresses, while the man that knocked her up sat there and watched all of this… Very romantic Taylor, very romantic…..

  • http://twitter.com/fannylemon Tess McGeer

    I can eagerly agree with all of these except, nope, no one is taking my inner Clementine away from me.

  • http://www.facebook.com/josephbrillantes Joseph Brillantes

    So is it a poor reflection on women that Carrie and Holly are already considered iconic? I mean, w/ the popularity of SATC and Breakfast at Tiffany posters :p

  • Anonymous

    Any MPDG Zooey Deschanel character ever.

    • Myka

      Summer especially :)

  • Marta

    When I was younger, I really wanted to be somewhat like Carrie. Grew up, thankfully. Some of these personalities-women-seem-to-aspire-to-become are completely new to me, though. Suppose, that’s good.

    You did voice all the problems I have with Romeo and Juliet. Just read it, finally. Funny, the play did remind of me all the teenage drama that so ‘it’ today.  (omg! we so good together, omg true love.. lets marry (just so we can have sex without God frowning…)) I may not understand literature at all, though.

  • Guest

    No Amelie?

  • http://www.facebook.com/snoozberries Ashleigh Hill

    My kingdom if I never meet another ADULT woman who idolizes Bella Swan.

  • Sbnn

    All my friends and I have a massive fear of turning into Emma from One Day by David Nicholls. Mainly because we all have that “omg this IS SO MY LIFE” feeling when reading it. 

  • TCR

    Anastasia Steele?

    • SA

      I won’t lie…I read all three of the books in about a week and a half (ya know, instead of writing papers and preparing for presentations).  I get SO MAD at her and her decisions and they way she lets Christian walk all over her.  

      Also, who really wants a man like Christian Grey?  

      Finally, who the hell is Hannah? 

      • Anonymous

        I can’t believe FSOG derived from Twilight fanfiction. 
        Ignorance is bliss, yo.

    • abrielle

      since Anastasia was originally Bella in fan-fiction form, I think we can just include it with her

  • http://twitter.com/nebulalawrence Nebula Lawrence


    *liz lemon, duh.

  • Aj

    Omg, especially the Clementine one. I think when I was younger I thought she was everything that I wanted to be, green, blue and orange hair and all. Silly me. I think  in the late 90’s and early 00’s being a messed up and barely functioning Gen Xer was considered cool and totally appealing.

  • Eeqlzmc2

    mirabelle buterfield…very unlikely ur loser jerl one night stand is going to turn into a sensitive,caring,functional bf…

  • Anonymous

    I have to kindly disagree with you on the Romeo and Juliet thing.  I used to be all cynical about it and toot the blah blah blah they’re all hormonal teenagers horn. But Shakespeare writes the characters in love, so they are IN LOVE.  It says it clear as day, written in ink. If Shakespeare wanted them to be hormonal teenagers he would have said so.  There ain’t much subtext in Shakespeare.  If any actor or director put on that play on with the perspective of “they’re just stupid teenagers” the stakes would be way too low for the audience to maintain any shred of interest in the play.  Juliet is a beautiful, tragic, and INTELLIGENT character. (go back to the text and count how many references she makes to Greek mythology.  Home girl READS.) 

    • xxxz

      agree with the point youre making, but “there ain’t much subtext in Shakespeare”? thats the whole POINT of shakespeare. if you cant appreciate that theres like a billion different meanings contained within every line he writes, then youre doing it wrong

      • Anonymous

        There are totally a billion meanings with every line.  But I’m talking about an character’s/actor’s subtext. Not the writers.  The characters say what is on their mind. They say exactly what they mean. There isn’t as much of an underlying inner dialogue underneath the text like you see with Chekhov. Practically every speech is a stream of consciousness from the character.  Juliet’s “Thou know’st the mask of night is on my face…” speech is a girl’s rambling about how infatuated she is with the guy she’s talking to.  She doesn’t edit her words. She doesn’t say “yeah I kind of like you” but secretly mean “oh my god marry me tomorrow”  She comes right out and says “oh my god marry me tomorrow.”  That’s what I meant by subtext. 

    • http://twitter.com/shoshkabob Shosh

      The point is though that he seems to “fall in love” pretty fast without any basis besides her looks. And they’re kids. While I myself couldn’t handle all the feels from reading about how in love they were and really appreciate and love the story, let’s be real, these characters are no basis for any kind of actual life aspirations.

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  • http://twitter.com/benhRjr ben Raifsnider, jr.

    more women should emulate Karen Walker

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