Growing up means learning to value yourself. I knew I was growing up because I still cared, yes, but only for a little while. The man I was interested in did not want me, and I know I am growing up because it only hurt for a quick second, as it should to any normal human being. Then I thought to myself, “Why does he not want me? Why does he not see my worth?” If he does not see my worth, then why would I know want him? If he does not want all of me then why am I giving any part of me to him?
It hurts, yes, to say goodbye to anything, no matter how brief, but the mature adult in me knew that it would never service me. And, I was not about to work to sell myself to somebody who didn’t see my value in the first place. You go your way, I’ll go mine, and we will always have the memories of our time together. That is enough for me until you understand my value.
It works the same for anybody in your life – friends, parents, coworkers, lovers. If they do not understand your value then you have to do everything you can to leave them behind, as much as it might hurt.
You move on. You continue living your life. You continue being YOU. And that should be enough for anybody who understands the value of your time being with them. You learn to become intoxicated by your own life, by yourself. You fall in love with you. You fall in love with every decision you make, every step, every experience. You become the you that you’re meant to be and it’s so special and lovely and beautiful. You finally look at yourself and think “I have made it home.” For the first time in awhile, you become excited about living. You become excited about saying “yes” or “no.” And that, to me, is everything. To be excited about my own life, my god.
It feels like I’ve been a newborn baby my whole life and my eyes are finally starting to open. I can see everything so clearly. I finally realize that I can do whatever I want with my life. I wish the same for everybody I meet; I hope one day you realize what I am realizing now.
I do not care in the slightest what you do with your life, so please, do not care about mine. I don’t have to go back to America to do anything. I can stay here, or I can leave to somewhere else. I am me, and you are you, and I know my value. I don’t hope you learn to realize my value, because in the end, it doesn’t really matter. I just hope one day you realize yours.