Ever felt that lingering sense of dissatisfaction when it comes to love? Like it’s not as good as it’s all cracked up to be?
It’s a really common problem, and often being unhappy with the way things are going has a lot to do with some specific things that people do that repel their own happiness.
If you stop doing these 9 things right now, you’re guaranteed happier relationships, so listen up.
1. Losing sight of what kind of relationship you really want.
Sometimes when we’re knee deep in things with another person, we don’t stop to think about how we want our life to really go. When you don’t know what you want, you have zero chance of getting something good. You’ll get whatever comes along, not what you are specifically looking for.
2. Consistently sacrificing your own happiness for someone else’s.
A good relationship has a lot of give and take. If you’re always the one giving, you have to step back and think about why. Do you want to give or is it a veiled attempt to “give to get,” hoping that someone else will meet your needs? Or is it because you’re afraid the whole thing will fall apart if you stop? Occasional sacrifice is fine and healthy, perpetual sacrifice– or becoming the martyr in your relationship is not.
3. Using past relationship failure and heartache as an excuse for not trying.
Look, I get that sometimes you need to give yourself the chance to lick your wounds after heartbreak. It’s normal. It’s just important that your time doesn’t get swallowed up by it. If you go all “fallen warrior of love,” you’re sabotaging your own happiness. Spend more time in the present than dwelling past relationship failures.
4. Concentrating on all the things you don’t have.
If you go around complaining about lack, you’ll attract more lack. If you can’t stop thinking about how much better things would be “if,” bring yourself back to the present moment and consider how great things already are now. It’s hard to feel lack if you seriously cultivate gratitude— partnered up or not.
5. Letting your inner critic take the wheel.
Our worst enemies DEFINITELY live inside our own heads. I have yet to meet someone who completely lacks an inner critic. The key is to let your critic have it’s say, neutralize it and move on in a healthy direction. When we act on the critic’s negative evaluation of every situation, that’s when we get into trouble.
6. Perfectionism and worrying what other people think.
If your relationship is good and you’re happy with it, do not compare it to other people. Just don’t. Don’t worry about what other people think about it either. Don’t keep up with the joneses.
What looks perfect from the outside usually isn’t from the inside. Now, if someone has a legitimate opinion about the potential your beloved is a real nasty person, be aware, but unless it’s serious, just let them see that you’re happy.
Same goes for being a perfectionist. Don’t make the person you’re with jump through hoops to be whatever you decide. Enjoy them. Let them be comfortable and truly themselves around you.
7. Dwelling on things beyond your control.
Let it be. Distract yourself if necessary. Focus on the things that you have direct control over like your own behavior, thoughts and feelings. That is enough to worry about without you having to enact draconian control over every area of your life. When we’re too focused on guiding other’s behavior, we often forget to examine our own.
8. Choosing negative partners.
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
If you pick someone negative as your romantic partner, get ready to deal with a lot of negativity and change in that direction yourself. You might be an optimist now, but over time, you’ll be unhappier as a result of their dissatisfaction— whether you started that way or not. Choose better. Sometimes it’s not a popular opinion, but I advocate ditching negative people at every turn. Turns out I have a nicer life and I don’t miss the drama.
9. Holding grudges.
Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Staying angry about that thing they did or said six months ago is helping exactly no one. Neither is bringing up “that thing” they did that you both already have talked about 600 times. When you hold a grudge, you adopt a victim mentality that doesn’t really serve you in any positive way. If something persists after you’ve made a good faith effort to make changes, you have two choices. Accept it or leave. If you choose acceptance, it can’t be bitter resignation. It has to be true letting go. Letting go is not easy, but it pays so many dividends.
This post originated on Attract the One.