
Wondering if your relationship has passed itâs sell by date?
Sometimes it just feels vaguely like things arenât going great but you arenât quite sure whether itâs time to try to repair your relationship or kiss it goodbye. The limbo phase sucks, so letâs talk about some solid reasons to end things.
Some of this seems obvious, but when youâre stuck in a crappy relationship it:
a. Doesnât feel so cut and dried
b. Helps to see it written out, glaring you in the face.
Here are some really good reasons to move on:
1. There is abuse.
This seems obvious, but abuse the single most important reason to leave on this list. My hope is that if this is you, youâll read this and the lightbulb will finally go on.
Remember that abuse isnât just physical and comes in all shapes and sizes. It is not gender specific and crosses all demographics. If youâre being abused, please, please start taking steps to leave right now.
2. Youâve lost yourself.
Losing yourself sneaks up on you. Like a frog being cooked in a pot, usually you donât realize that your passions have fallen by the wayside until the nagging feeling that youâre just a shadow of your former vibrant self.
This happens for several reasons. It can be because you donât have a partner who shares or at least encourages you to follow your passions. It can also be a result of letting yourself go physically as your relationship wears on. Either way, it can feel like youâve so solidly melded into coupledom that YOU has been replaced with WE in a way that makes you feel dead inside. You can definitely get yourself back while staying in a relationship, but if your partner has seriously stifled your growth then it might really be time to go.
3. No matter what youâve tried, you canât get your sex life back on track.
Sex is super important. The connection it fosters between a couple simply canât be replaced any other way.
I donât advocate dumping someone cold if things get slightly stale. Thereâs plenty that can be done. However, a partner who refuses to meet your needs or vice versa is the death knell for a relationship, especially when youâve tried everything and still canât get the passion back on track.
4. Youâre sad way more often than youâre happy.
This is common when youâve been fighting constantly. Another sign that your happiness train has gone off the track is when youâre constantly asking friends for advice about whether to end it. Since your friends wonât always level with you and tell you the ugly truth, let me be the bearer of the bad news.
A good relationship will make you happy way more often than it will make you cry.
5. The trust is long gone.
Obviously, cheating, lying, repeated breakups and suspicion all erode your bond. When the feeling of safety that you should share has been replaced with mistrust, itâs really difficult to for the relationship to recover.
6. Youâre cheating.
This reason to breakup seems like it should fall into the âno, duhâ category, but itâs more common than it seems. If youâre having an affair, contemplating one, or have already cut a new pony from the herd, you owe it to your current partner to break it off and move on.
7. You have major, insurmountable philosophical/lifestyle/child rearing differences.
These are the big things, like you wanting kids and your mate doesnât or vice versa. These are the life decisions that canât be negotiated, only moved on from.
Ignoring non-negotiables like this is a ticking time bomb, eventually it will all blow up. Rather than get to that point, itâs time to sit down and discuss the fact that you want to live in a commune or ___(insert insurmountable obstacle here)____.
8. On again, off again is giving you whiplash.
The breakup, makeup cycle is a hard spiral to pull yourself out of. If youâve started this cycle with a lover, know that 99.99% of the time it ends horribly and just plain isnât worth it. This is because what brings you back for more usually canât overcome the erosion of trust caused by repeated breakups.
This post originated on Attract the One.