Too agreeable? What? On the surface, people’s gut reaction to the idea that anyone could be too agreeable (or too smart, or too rich, for that matter) is “there’s no way that my partner could be too agreeable. Agreeable is good.”
So is arguing bad for a relationship? It’s normal that when two people occupy each other’s space, they will eventually hurt the other person’s feelings, overstep their boundaries or just simply piss the other person off.
Disagreements and arguments are a natural offshoot of simply trying to conduct your life with another person.
Conversely, if people never argue, one or both people HAVE TO be stomping their own feelings or not expressing them in order to just get along.
This kind of “going along to get along” causes more harm than good because it prevents people from really getting their needs met.
If you’ve ever woke up one day and realized that you have all these resentments that you haven’t really expressed to your partner, this is for you. Here’s why you shouldn’t be afraid to express your conflicting feelings with your partner.
Disagreements Clear The Air
Telling your partner how you really feel, without judging or trying to hurt their feelings is vital to a real relationship. Frankly, whenever someone tells me “we never ever disagree, everything is always perfect with rainbows and puppies and unicorns” I ask who the liar is. People by their very nature are different and won’t always 100% agree. If someone is stomping down their feelings, batten down the hatches because it’s going to get ugly.
When the “unicorns and puppies” couples finally do fight, it’s often when the flood gates open. They rip each other limb from limb because they haven’t been expressing their authentic feelings all along. It goes without saying that the limb from limb thing is not pretty. The sad part is, this is preventable with honest communication.
Disagreements Show Your Partner What’s Important To You
If you’re saying “wait, all he ever talks about is how he doesn’t like me throwing my socks on the floor, how could this be what’s important to him?” hold on. Think about why he might feel like that’s a big deal. Does he feel put-upon or taken for granted? Does he feel unappreciated? Does he feel like you’re not respecting what he really wants for your home?
Often seemingly minor problems have a deeper root. If you’re able to look deeper and see what this is, it becomes more clear what your partner is really after.
Disagreements Demonstrate Your Engagement in The Relationship
Arguing constructively lets your partner know where your boundaries are. If a couple has completely checked out, they often reach a time when they don’t even bother fighting because they’re both halfway out the door and boundaries aren’t really that important any more. The relationship becomes not worth fighting about.
Constructive arguments demonstrate that you’re both still passionately involved in the outcome of the relationship.
Arguments and disagreements are tools that can build you a better relationship or completely tear the house down. If you’re always stepping around your partner’s feelings and feel resentful about them not caring about the issue you haven’t told them you have, maybe it’s time to turn a new page.