11 Terrible Acts Of Self-Sabotage That Drive Your Partner Away From The Relationship

Shutterstock / Goran Djukanovic
Shutterstock / Goran Djukanovic

Relationship self-sabotage can stem from a variety of negative beliefs about one’s lovability, future and past relationships. If someone truly believes that aren’t deserving of love, they’ll make completely sure that they don’t maintain a happy relationship for long.

I recently just wrote about how to stop self-sabotage.

Here are just some of the ways that women drive their guy away:

1. Cheating

This is the mother of ways to undermine your partner’s trust and throw a grenade into your relationship. I don’t have to explain to you why this is so detrimental, but if you’re currently cheating, please consider making a change.

2. Insecurity

There are several ways that insecurity sabotages a relationship. First, the insecure partner may be looking for constant reassurance that the other person loves them, that they are still attractive, etc.

Second, they may start being really jealous and faultfinding of the other person.

If you’re always asking for him to reassure you about his love for you, the way you look, how you are, etc. this is a recipe for disaster.

Constantly questioning someone’s feelings for you communicates that you don’t feel valuable and confident. It becomes a burden for him to provide constant reassurance.

3. Defensiveness

Determined by relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman to be one of the top 4 predictors of divorce, a very defensive partner sabotages things by not taking responsibility for their part in a conflict. Making excuses, cross-complaining and whining all fall into this category.

Make an effort to take responsibility for your part in disagreements. Stop and wait to hear your partner’s side of the story before you go on the defensive. Some arguments can easily be nipped in the bud by a simple apology instead of a mounting defense.

4. Not Picking Your Battles

If every single thing that you did irritated someone to the point that you were having a confrontation, think about how that would make you feel. Not so good, right?

Having a critical partner who has a problem with every little thing is a miserable experience. If you find yourself mentioning every little thing he does wrong, it’s a recipe for disaster.

5. Over-sharing

Guys report that they HATE it when they find out that you’ve told your friends or family every detail about them, your fights, your sex life, etc. Practice sharing less information about your relationship with your friends and family.

6. Pessimism

Have you downgraded your relationship expectations so much that you are saying things like “if I don’t expect anything, I can’t be disappointed”?

This sucks because you’re not giving the other person a chance to make a difference in the relationship. Eventually your guy will start to think that nothing he does makes a difference. If you continue to expect negativity, you’ll attract it.

7. Martyrdom

Are you going around acting like you’re constantly suffering to keep the relationship intact? Do you mention how many sacrifices you’ve made for your partner? You may be suffering from martyrdom.

Think of the people you know who can’t seem to shut up about all the sacrifices they’ve made. Now, reflect on how ridiculously unattractive this is. If you’ve heard yourself say something along the lines of “I’m always sacrificing for you!” It’s time to work to change this behavior.

By telling the other person how valuable you are to them all the time, you’re coming off as annoying and insecure. Cut it out.

8. Nagging

Nagging creates an un-even parental-type relationship dynamic. It is a sure way to get your guy sprinting for the hills and downright avoiding you. If this is a problem for you, check out how to stop nagging.

9. Being controlling

Eventually he’ll start to feel like he can’t make any of his own decisions and hit the road. Then you’ll be in control of the demise of your relationship. Fantastic. (heavy sarcasm). I’ll admit that I’ve had problems with this before. Here’s how to stop being controlling.

10. Self-Righteousness

It’s a drag to be with someone who always thinks they’re right. I had a very bright relationship psychology professor a long time ago who said “you can either commit to being right all the time or having a good relationship, but not both.” This is simple, genius advice. Take the time to get down off your high horse every once in a while.

11. Criticism

Criticism is another of Dr. John Gottman’s predictors of divorce. Make sure that when you disagree, you fight fair. Avoid generalizations and sweeping statements like “you always…” or “you never…” when describing behavior that you don’t like. TC mark

This post originally appeared at Attract The One.

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