11 Types Of Guys’ Online Dating Profiles And What Women Should Do With Them

Online dating for single 20-somethings can be a huge time suck. You’re looking through hundreds of profiles, trying to find Mr. Perfect based on a few photos and a paragraph-long description. And let’s be honest, most guys don’t even give you a whole paragraph to work with. So, before you waste your time messaging countless guys who turn out to be completely wrong for you, I’ve come up with a few tips to help you figure out which guy is worth meeting. It’s not exactly scientific but I’m just saying, you were warned.

1. Shirtless Pictures

This is a tough one… Okay yeah, the shirtless guy with a six pack is really attractive and your first instinct is probably to swipe right. But let’s think about it for a second. There are obviously different kinds of shirtless pictures, i.e. the selfie-in-the-bathroom versus the having-fun-at-the-pool picture. For the former, he is clearly very proud of his physique (as he should be!), but is he too proud? Do you really want to hang out with a guy who is more proud of the time spent on his abs than with his family, friends, at work, travelling, etc.? Your choice.

2. Gym Pictures

OMG is anyone else just ridiculously tired of the gym selfie? Because I know I am. For the record, a guy who goes to the gym and cares about his body is not necessarily a negative. I would definitely rather date a guy who lifts weights than one who only lifts Cheetos. But why do they feel the need to document their gym exploits with hundreds of selfies? The mirrors in the gym are for you to pay attention to your form while performing specific exercises, so you don’t hurt yourself. Not to make it easier to take a selfie. Also, think about what a time commitment weight-lifting is. Do you think he’ll spend more time at the gym than hanging out with you? Are you going to go to the gym with him? Will he judge you if you eat half a box of thin mints one night while watching Bridget Jones’s Diary?

3. Pictures With Cars

Kind of the same principle as the shirtless pic and the gym selfie… Why is he more proud of his car than anything else in his life? If the picture is of him standing next to a really cool car that he doesn’t own, then he’s probably just excited he got to breathe the exhaust of something he’ll never afford. But if it is multiple pictures of the guys’ Audi, move on girl. He’ll probably make you take off your shoes before you get in, and you won’t be allowed to eat or drink in the car, meaning no Starbucks drive through for you!

4. Pictures With A Baby

Does he specify whose baby it is? If it is his, cheers to him for being upfront about having kids! That is not always the case, and wouldn’t you rather know right away if he’s a dad? If it is someone else’s kid, he is either a very, very proud uncle (how adorable!) or a creeper who is stealing other people’s children for a picture. If he doesn’t specify whose baby it is, proceed with caution.

5. Only Posed Pictures

This guy clearly thinks a lot of himself if he only posts pictures that were clearly posed. It could mean a few different things: one, he took way too much time picking out pictures that make him look amazing; two, he takes way too many pictures of himself; or three, (especially if he’s always alone in the pictures), he clearly thinks more about himself than anything or anyone around him.

6. Only Candid Pictures

This is less suspicious, because it shows that he isn’t so focused on his own looks or attractiveness. But you should pay attention to what kind of activities he’s doing in the photos. If he’s always outside and involved in some kind of athletic activity, and you’re not an athletic girl, you’ll have a problem. If the photos are always of him in a bar, at a club, or sitting poolside with a beer, and you don’t drink, you’ll have a problem. These kind of guys make it really easy to see if your interests mesh, since their pictures clearly highlight what their lives are like. But pay attention to things in the photograph other than his face; you can learn a lot more about him than just if he’s hot or not.

7. Pictures With Some Kind Of Alcohol In It

Briefly mentioned this before, but there are a couple other things to consider. If every photo has alcohol in it, there is an implication that he doesn’t often do activities unless he can get a drink. Nothing wrong with that, necessarily, but you do want to make sure you’re okay with that. Also, pay attention to the kind of alcohol in the pictures. Is he always holding a glass of wine? He wants you to think he’s sophisticated and high class. It is always a beer in some kind of connoisseur glassware (i.e. snifter, tasters, etc.)? Same thing, sophisticated and high class, and also probably a hipster. A tumbler or piece of stemware holding some kind of liquor? Probably a partier. Beer in the can or in the bottle? More a laid back drinker; a fan of sporting events, barbecues, and the outdoors.

8. “Looking For No Drama”

First of all, he’s really serious when he says this; he does not want drama. However, his definition of drama is probably not what yours is. What it probably means is that he doesn’t want to ever fight with you, he wants to check out other girls without you getting angry, and he doesn’t want to have deal with drunk-jealous-sad-happy you. This guy probably has a bad experience with a girl who was constantly texting him to “check in,” got jealous really fast at really small things, and called him at 2am crying for reasons that he deemed silly. If he’s a guy just looking for fun and casual, then be careful about sharing too much with him or venting about your friends or work; he’ll consider this “drama”. If he is looking for something serious, he wants a girl who will be confident in herself, in him, and in their relationship, someone who won’t pick fights or freak out over an unanswered text.

9. “Traveler”

This guy either only has pictures of him in exotic and foreign places, or he explicitly says something along the lines of:

10. Poetry, Song Lyrics, Inspirational Quotes

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.” Excuse while I throw up in my mouth a little. Girls, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t the point of a dating profile to describe yourself? Why these guys continually waste time and space on inane crap is beyond me. What this says to me is that this guy is shallow and doesn’t have the capacity to think for himself. He puts way too much value on what other people say. There is nothing wrong with the occasional Facebook status or Twitter update with the lyrics of a song that spoke to you that day; but an online dating profile is not the place for it.

11. Bad Spelling And/Or Grammar

Maybe it’s just me, maybe I’m the only one that wants to claw my eyes out when I see a guy write “if u want to know abt me ask n i will tell u cuz i’m vry open” … It takes me twice as long to figure out what that says than it would have taken for him to type out complete words, and press the “Shift” key occasionally. Plus, don’t phones autocorrect text-speak now?! Which means that it should be easier and take less time to use correct spelling and grammar. Someone who takes the time to proofread his profile description is someone who clearly cares about the image they present to the world, and is concerned about making a good impression. Someone who writes in text-speak, in a non-texting situation, probably doesn’t give a shit if you think he’s an idiot. TC mark

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