I’m Not The Girl You Date

katbillings
katbillings

I’m not the girl you hold hands with while walking downtown. I’m not the girl you could spend hours staring at and never cease to be amazed by the curve of her lips or the way her eyes glimmer and shine when she’s truly passionate about something. I’m not the one you text randomly just to say you’re thinking of me. I’m not the one you want a relationship with, I’m not the girl you date.

I’m the girl that you meet at a bar, dancing for hours without inhibitions. I’m the girl you buy a drink and strike up a conversation with, whether it be superficial or meaningful. I’m the one who will dare you to take the last shot, or be the first one to call you a chicken if you don’t. I’m the girl with the never ending smile and laughter who doesn’t seem to have a care in the world. I’m the girl that lives in the moment, the one who is out to have fun. I’m the one who goes on adventures on a whim, the girl who will get a new tattoo or piercing when the mood strikes. I am the girl that follows her heart and lets the wind carry her.

I’m not the girl you date because I’m not ready to be that girl. In fact, I don’t want to be that girl, yet. I’m young and I want to drift. For now, I want to flow free. I want my soul to be able to wander. I want to find myself and make myself whole before becoming a part of something. If I don’t allow myself to roam, to explore and adventure as it desires, I can’t ever fully combine my whole self with another to create an everlasting circle. I’m at an age where I am able to adventure, to seek new understanding in areas my parents never had the opportunity to. I’m still looking for myself, and until I complete that journey, I’m going to live every moment without inhibition and without concern.

I haven’t met the person that’s given me the overwhelming sense that I’m meant for them;  the one that I’m meant to combine my life journey with. Once I’m ready, I’ll be the girl you want to date. The decision to be this girl, however, is on my terms, and no amount of societal peer pressure can tell me that I’m living my life wrong because I want to be single. TC mark

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