We’ve all been there. Dancing in the middle of the club with your head on the swivel trying to see who’s checking you out.
Or how about my fave, getting dressed up to go sit at a bar and hope Prince Charming “randomly” sits next to you and sweeps you off your feet.
But there’s a difference between putting yourself in a position to be found and looking for someone to find you. I’ve heard “you meet someone when you least expect it” not when you’re purposefully on the manhunt.
Real life is not like the movies we romanticize. It is not likely we will trip and fall into Christian Grey’s office and end up tied up in his cabin in Aspen.
This is the real world. In the real world, we get tied up with a guy who is 50 shades of messed up and broke.
Instead of Mr. Perfect running to the airport to stop us from boarding a plane, in 2019 he lets us board and texts “hey big head” a year later.
Romance is put in our face since birth. We watched our parents laugh together, read Romeo and Juliet in school, cried to “All My Life” by K-Ci & JoJo (ok…that was just me). But when I heard Mariah Carey’s “My All” I wanted someone to love and “I’d give my all to have just one more night with you.”
We learned about love and began to want this feeling that everyone has or was talking and singing about. We all want a person to love. Love is a beautiful beautiful thing.
But there’s a difference between wanting love and needing someone to love you. I think when we “want” love, it will come to us. But when we “need” a lover, we make it a priority or a goal to achieve and we rarely get it in the form we think we need it.
To me, needing love seems more like a void to fill, something inside you that’s missing. Wanting love seems more like something you would like to have, but you’re also OK waiting on it.
When you “need” love you’re not going to find it on the dance floor or on Tinder. You should first find it through loving yourself. When you put so much focus into needing a mate, you won’t get it. And guys can smell the need from a mile away. In your actions, or the air around you.
So instead, internalize the love you need. Shift your need to a need to love yourself. Spend time with those who love you and are there for you like your family. Or hang friends who want you to be your best self (the ones who either told you to sit down somewhere or are exhausted from saying sit down somewhere).
We are all destined and meant to be with someone. I feel it’s inevitable. Rushing the process will only do more harm than good in the long run. You end up wasting time and money on someone you “needed” to be with because you “needed” to be with someone.
I’m not saying we don’t need men. I mean, you can say you don’t need a man if you want to. But I need one sometimes…someone has to get rid of the bug in the house while I run off screaming. But I know that he will come in due time. And you should know that too.
It’s so funny because I didn’t want to hear ANY of this when I was younger. I thought this was all lies and I was an exception. But here I am now, having been a need-er, now a want-er writing this post. We can’t make anything happen before it’s supposed to happen.
So if you need a lover like I once did be patient, refocus that need, let go and let flow. If you don’t do it for yourself now, you might get heartbroken enough to flip the switch. You don’t want that…trust me.