How To Know If Sex With Your Ex Is Right For You

You’ve witnessed this scenario in many a movie, maybe given a girlfriend your opinion on the matter — but what happens when the cliché becomes YOU??

I am in the midst of battling this grey area myself — and it ain’t easy. There is often time a negative stigma attached to the decision to not fully part with your ex. “He can’t have his cake and eat it too” says your BFF Jill. But why can’t we ladies partake in this sinful dessert as well?

Here I am almost a month out from my most recent relationship breakup. I balled my eyes out, had thoughts that maybe he would change his mind, and eventually — I came to my senses and acknowledged that although painful — it was for the best. I stopped looking back with rose colored glasses and became ready to move forward to conquer the single world yet again. But something was missing. Sure — maybe he was not “the one”; but that didn’t mean I never wanted to see (or sleep with) him again. There was a part of me that felt our chapter was unfinished. I still wanted to see him every now and then, enjoy his company…among other things.

I was not ready to never see or communicate with him again; the sad inevitable truth of many breakups. You two can’t “just be friends” let’s face it. So what do two single individuals, who are attracted to one another do? To me the obvious inclination wasn’t as detrimental as all the blogs/internet postings I browsed stated. I wasn’t ready to completely cut the cord. Not in an unhealthy I NEED HIM TO SURVIVE way, but in the way that you recognize the situation for what it is — you mourn the relationship, then move on and enjoy each other in a different way; perhaps one that is more beneficial to both parties.

It’s easier to part ways when your ex man/lady was a total a$$ — you never want anything to do with them again, blah blah…but what happens when the breakup is amicable, when you are still attracted to one another — but certain circumstances just didn’t permit you two to move forward in monogamous bliss? He’s not ready to leave those college days behind just yet, or you live too far away, and the list goes on. One point repeatedly noted that I feel necessary to comply with if the adult sleepovers are to continue: You need to get the heck out before one of you “moves on”. It’s at that point things can get messy and feelings get hurt.

I don’t care how “over it” you are, it will always add salt to the cut knowing your former partner is giving to someone else, what you had once longed for. If you’re not stalking their social media profiles or fantasizing about getting back together — go for the gold. I truly believe if you understand a relationship is not in the cards between you two, that this whole arrangement will work out. It about recognizing the situation for what it is — enjoy the low key element of it all without commitment (side note, if you still want that commitment. Stop right here. Sex with the ex is NOT for you)

I’ll let you know I decided (against the opinions of EVERY person I spoke with) to follow my heart and just do it, Nike style. No one who cares about you is going to want to see you hurt-bottom line. They are protecting you and will more often than not, say this situation is no bueno! But if you feel you’ve the emotional strength and know yourself enough to recognize when to call it quits and “pull out” (Pun oh so intended) Go for it! I can honestly say that I am really enjoying this situation, and maybe even more so than when we were a couple. It has to be done respectfully, no one party should be taking advantage of the other.

It needs to be a mutual and consenting scenario where you both agree on your intentions. I believe every human relationship has a course to run, and I see no need to cut ours short for the sake of appeasing the constructed social norms. I know it can’t go on forever, and that there will come a moment when I recognize our story has come to a close. Until then, pass me a fork and let me dig into that Devil’s Food cake!!!