I can’t stop thinking about you tonight. I don’t know why. I thought you came into my life as a whirlwind, you took me by surprise. I had a wall up, you blew it down. I got comfortable, and then you crushed me. You shut down, you wouldn’t talk to me, and you needed space. I have no idea what happened, but that one incident has affected me for the last several years.
Perhaps I was your whirlwind? Perhaps you were so into someone else at the time, that when the wall finally came down, it came down too fast. It wasn’t gradual. You walked right into my wall, and it took you by surprise.
It took me by surprise. I wasn’t expecting it. I wasn’t expecting to find the one person I trusted the least, the one person who changed me the most – for the better. The person who challenge and surprise me, the person I would grow comfortable with, the person, that no matter what, whether it meant sacrificing my own happiness, I always wanted to see happy, the person who would eventually become someone in my life I could not dream of ever living without no matter the circumstances. The person I am still so close to today. That was not who I thought you’d become. I thought, eventually, we’d go our separate ways, and lose touch.
We’ve gone through phases, we’ve confided, we’ve flirted, we’ve kept our distance, we’ve traveled, we’ve cuddled, we’ve hurt, and I’ve loved.
When I think of love- I think of you. I think of someone who I’d never want to see hurt, someone I would do anything for, someone I admire, someone who challenges me, someone I love being around, someone I can fight with, but still trust the friendship will be there, someone passionate, smart, and caring. Someone I’d want to spend the rest of my life with. And then, that feeling turns to confusion, and disappointment because I know you don’t feel the same, but I’ll still love you.
Who am I to you, if I’m not a love? A best friend? Just a friend? Because you are so much more to me than just a friend. I know what unrequited love is because of you. It hurts, and it’s sad, and it’s hard to move on to someone who is going to love me the way I love you. I deserve that. I deserve the feelings I have for you to be reciprocated. I know you want to love, but if it was me you were going to love, our story would be different.
But perhaps our story is still one of love, just not in the traditional sense? Our love story can be the respect and understanding we have for each other as friends. The story of letting go so we can both grow, and find the love we both deserve. The story of transformational love – the one where the love is unconditional, and understanding in all circumstances, even the one, where the love is not returned. For now, the love I have for you is romantic endearing love, but even when that fades, I’ll still love you. I’ll love you as the friend who let me love them even when they couldn’t it return it. For that, is a rare, and true gift, my love.