1. Leggings as pants. Don’t get me wrong, I know our collective love for leggings knows no bounds and I even kind of forget how I got through life prior to leggings making their way back into my wardrobe. However, I can almost guarantee your boss and co-workers aren’t going to enjoy you showing up to work with your camel toe flapping in the wind. Essentially you’re wearing tights with a shirt. You know who else wears tights with shirts? Cranky toddlers who make it half way out of their Sunday finest, and registered sex offenders.
2. Jean shorts. I shit you not, I’m almost certain I landed my first job out of college due to the fact that I showed up for my interview after a person that showed up to their interview wearing jean shorts. I was seriously under-qualified for the job, but knew how to make solid eye contact and could figure out my way around a pencil skirt. Moral of the story is: “It’s great that you have a Masters degree in Marketing and a relative amount of real world experience, but I seriously just can’t stop staring at your creepy legs in those jean shorts and your chipped nail polish.” -Anonymous interviewer actually TELLING me about this unfortunate applicant.
3. That one article of clothing that has somehow snaked its way through high school and college in your wardrobe, always narrowly escaping the annual purge of crap you’ll never wear again. You know what I’m talking about. That Abercrombie & Fitch tank top with the built in bra is not going to come to the rescue one day under a cardigan. That creepy silk button up from Rainbow is ALSO not going to straight kill it under a cardigan. Notice how you’re factoring in a cardigan to hide all this shit under.
4. Anything with any sort of cartoon character displayed on it. Unless you work at a day care or somewhere that you are at the mercy of large groups of small children, this is not OK for work. I don’t care who you are or actually — how old you are for that matter. I am going to have a hard time entrusting you with a task while you’re sitting there wearing a t-shirt with a picture of an anime looking girl with purple hair dribbling a basketball. I wish I could tell you that wasn’t taken from real life experience, but it was. Are you shitting me?
5. Your go-to bar high heels. “But they’re that great neutral color that go with everything and still unbelievably comfortable despite the six inch platform!” Sister, you’re not wrong, but there is a time and a place. The time and the place for those puppies is when you’re trying to make your legs and butt look like they could casually destroy a man’s heart. Not when you’re trying to make your way around a conference room table to hand out printed power point slides and all of a sudden you realize you’re wobbling like Fran fucking Drescher trying to get Mr. Sheffield to put a ring on it. Take it down about three or four inches and lose the patent sheen.