If you aren’t honest with yourself, don’t read this. I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum and both are inherently shitty. Healthy relationships start with healthy mindsets. We have to stop demonizing people for being honest. If someone doesn’t love you anymore or no longer sees a future with you, they are not the worst person in the world. Change is natural. I hate hearing people say things like, “It’s their loss.” That concept is both backwards and belittling. If a person isn’t interested it doesn’t make anyone in the situation lesser and here’s why:
1. It takes balls to leave a relationship (formally). Being the bearer of bad news and letting someone down is one of the worst feelings in the world, especially if that person is your partner. Unless this person is a sociopath, they’ve probably been stressed the hell out trying to muster up the courage to talk to you about this. There’s never a good time or place to have this conversation. It’s more cowardly to stay when you’re not happy because it’s easier and usually leads to infidelity. Would you rather be cheated on or dumped? Take your pick because asking someone to stay when they don’t want to opens up that reality.
2. Five minutes of loneliness every day is better than being anxiety-ridden the entire day—everyday, because you’re unhappy. We have all been there, it sucks and it’s unavoidable when you’re with the wrong person. Imagine a typical day where you’re freaking out about a fight the two of you had this morning and you’re supposed to be focused at work but you can’t because you’re pissed and replaying all the things you should have said. Yea, well now that they’ve left there will be none of that. Unless you’re genuinely sad person, someone else having full control over your mood for the day will be a thing of the past.
3. A relationship is something that should add value to your life, nothing else. If you were a happier person before you got into the relationship then it is good that it ended. Relationships aren’t necessary. People can form all sorts of human connections and none of them have to be romantic to gain fulfillment. So if yours stresses you out more than it validates you, then you were in the wrong one and that person is a champ for realizing it.
4. If they stay with you, you’re both missing out on potential soul mates. Or at the least, some kick-ass one night stands with interesting people. It really all depends on your concept of love and soul-searching. But either way, if you’re with the wrong person then you’re being selfish. There’s a stranger wondering around out there right now who might like everything you currently detest about your personality. Why wouldn’t you be excited about the opportunity to find that?
5. People will come into your life and teach you lessons then leave when they are fulfilled. Sometimes you can only grow so much with someone. If you can recognize that you have already learned what you need to from this person and nothing else, be thankful that they let you go.
6. If they stay with you then you may never be the person you’re supposed to be. Heartbreak can be the biggest motivator in the world. That’s a huge life change when you’re an adult and sometimes it can cause a person to take a completely different path. What if you’re supposed to end up in a different country? Or write a book? Or start a business? Certain things are harder to do if you have another person to think about. Goal setting takes a lot of mental juice and stamina. This is not to say that you cannot achieve your goals with a partner—you absolutely can, it’s been done. What this means is that your partner may have recognized that they aren’t the person to help you achieve those goals, they may even be holding you back from them. It might not make sense today, but the person you’ll be in 10 years could end up nodding in agreement.